Cold Approach vs. Social Circle: What’s the Best Method for Improving Your Dating Life?

There are two dominant schools of thoughts right now on how to meet women. I wouldn’t say they’re the only ways, but they’re often coming up head to head these days.

Pick up artist concepts, which still dominate the dating advice market for men, have certain pros and cons, compared to another approach which is building your social circle. This article lists the differences in approach and pros and cons of them. Keep in mind, I have to speak in generalities, so of course, there are going to be exceptions or people disagreeing about specific use cases. I don’t claim to be an expert, just someone with a lot of experience and know a decent amount of people in these arenas, having taken programs in both.

Cold Approach


  • This method tends to love big cities because they have a certain level of anonymity and if you screw up, you’ll never see them again. This is helpful for practicing your social skills and seeing how far you can push things while coming off calibrated still but it can also attract psychopaths and people who take things way too far and come off uncalibrated. Some tactics wouldn’t work in smaller towns where everyone knows each other and word gets around that you’re being weird.
  • They tend to recommend nightclubs and bars as the main way of meeting women at night. One reason is because there’s that constant turn over and if you screw up badly, it doesn’t matter because you’ll never see them again. This is especially the case in high traffic travel cities, like Vegas.
  • These night-time venues are more suited to short-term encounters, which some men prefer. Women are more primed and open to the idea in these venues.
  • Approaching isn’t as taboo or seen as harassing a women as much as in some day-time venues. It’s expected men will approach in these venues based on the setting. Even to this day, some women are much less agreeable when you approach them at the gym, coffee shop, yoga class, or groceries because they’re approached too often and they don’t expect to be approached here. That said, you’re going to encounter cold women at night too because they get hit up so often.
  • You also get more volume to practice and meet people, which increases your experience, skills, and chances. You may be lucky to bump into two girls in an hour at a grocery store. But you can talk to a dozen in an hour at a club or bar. There’s really not many other venues where you can get that amount of traffic to practice.
  • To get good at talking to women, you have to talk to women a lot. It’s not rocket science and there’s no way around this. There may not be a better training ground than a nightclub with all its obstacles. You get a lot of practice in a short time, you get some of the most difficult people and situations, and you have to learn to talk loudly and charismatically. If you can learn to do well here, then every other scenario is arguably easier in comparison.
  • You can travel or move to a new city and get results quickly because you don’t need to bring much other than your skills. Or so they claim. In theory, you can just start approaching strangers again because you’re just bringing forth what you present as a person. With social circle, you have to build a lot of your network and base in a city, so once you leave and go somewhere else, it can take an average person months to build new connections and re-establish the network. However long it took the first time.
  • There’s a low barrier to entry. It’s easy for anyone to get started today and get real-time feedback. While some may argue it’s hard to get past approach anxiety, once you have, you can literally approach and meet women anywhere and work on this skill: on campus, at a shopping mall, getting groceries, at a nightclub, or at a bar. That’s why a lot of these places are inundated with cold approach people. There’s plenty of men who aren’t afraid to approach, approach, approach. Compare that to social circle game, which is very nuanced and has to be done in the right way with the right social intelligence and takes a long time to build, but yields more fruit in the long run.


  • These people usually focus on short-term relationships and hook-ups. So, they’re hitting the reset button every night. Even if they succeeded yesterday, they’re almost back to square one. They have little to no way of showing that this girl liked them because that’s not something she would want to show off, so you’re just back to where you where with what you yourself have to showcase for the next day. it’s a tremendous amount of work and then, you’re starting from scratch the next. You have to rely on what you can present and what you have to offer that night and the “game” you’re building.
    • With social circle, it can snowball into something in the long run that builds on itself and yields greater returns since your wins build on each other. You can build a reputation and social media content demonstrating attraction, trust, and success with friends and females who know, like, and trust you. It’s the difference between finding some fruit and eating it immediately versus finding the best fruit and planting its to farm it into much more more fruit.
    • Some may argue that with cold approach, you’re still building your social skills and “game” and taking that with you to the next day, but how much can you really improve with that and how much is game alone going to solve all your problems? With social circle, you’re just able to generate much more proof on Instagram that you have female friends and people you’ve dated that like you. Arguably, you can also demonstrate a variety of other attractive traits beyond just looks and game.
  • Speaking of, there’s an often singular belief that “game” is going to solve everything and is all you need, which isn’t always true. We’re starting to realize there are various other attraction triggers beyond what this school of thought focuses on. Some will give a nod to looks, grooming, physique and fashion in the current dating advice world. But there’s probably more to it than game and looks. Have you ever wondered why a guy you know who doesn’t seem to have spectacular game or looks do well with girls? There’s probably a lot of other factors out there, like leadership, sense of humor, mental health, playfulness, assertiveness, style, status, job title, the set up of the environment, etc. that can matter that many men just don’t put any value into improving out of lack of awareness.
  • There may be a cap to your growth and results. Just how good of a results do you expect to get by improving your game/charisma and looks and then approaching strangers at a Starbucks, shopping mall, nightclub, bar, or pub? Even if you have the best “game” and odds at your local pub, there’s a limit to the quality of girls who frequent these places and how much you can improve your game. You’ll probably not find the highest quality, educated, elite, or smart woman in these venues compared to other places, some of which are only accessible as you grow your status and social circle.
  • There’s usually more competition at night. It’s no secret, so prepare for there to be a lot of men, probably more men than women competing against you, especially since you’ll probably be in general admission rather than VIP areas. Cold approach doesn’t really teach you how to get out of general admission at a club.
  • Night-time venues are more superficial, focused on body language/looks, which is partially why they make the music so loud that you can’t talk or hear. Hence, it nullifies or neglects various other attraction triggers you could show off in other ways, like your wit, mental health, leadership, intelligence, creativity, humor, etc. Sure, you can argue you can still shout over the blaring music and see people in the dimly lit area, but there’s no doubt that other day-time events, such as public speaking to a conference, showing off your athleticism at a sporting event, or demonstrating your black-belt jiu jitsu skills to some white-belts, could frame some of your strengths a lot better. These other examples and venues are not mentioned or talked about at all in the dating advice world right now – it’s all just “go to clubs and bars.” The one book where these other places to meet women are highlighted is Mate by Tucker Max, a must read.
  • It is fairly rigid and limited in its belief about what can build attraction and how to meet women. It’s focused on approaching random strangers in public venues in the day and night, and improving your verbal skills/behavior and your physical presentation. It doesn’t really account for other ways you can set-up an event or space where your attractive strengths and traits shine. Shopping malls and nightclubs generally seem to be the only ways they know to meet women. There’s a lot of room to expand beyond these venues to meet people that they would never consider or accept, like hobby groups you enjoy such as a rec sports league, an improv class, crossfit, or volunteer group. If you ask high-quality women where they met people they’ve dated, they rarely say it’s from a cold approach at a mall or Chipotle. It’s usually through mutual friends, social circle, events, apps, etc., which indicate certain avenues of meeting people just lead to more trust and possibility.
  • If you’re only approaching during the day-time because you’re scared of night game, you’re severely limiting your growth with the variety of experiences and practice and scenarios you’ll get. Plus, you meet a lot less people within an hour. And unfortunately, some men are scared of going out at night, so they stick to just approaching in the day at malls or public town squares, which isn’t as many people and a bit weird.
  • There’s nothing they’ve built up to document their growth, competence, social intelligence, preselection, etc. online because they rely on themselves in real life. This leads to a huge missed opportunity. They could have dated some incredible women, and no one would know because their social media is just them alone or they don’t have any. Almost zero time and resources are spent documenting on social media, which means you can’t build trust, attraction, and preselection with women as quickly like you can with social circle compared to when you post content showing you have female friends, trust from other male friends, that you aren’t a psychopath, you’re safe, or that you have status. Women look for safety first and they’re going to be more skeptical than usual in a dark-lit bar or club with a male stranger.
    • Some PUAs may argue that cold approach isn’t starting from scratch every night because you’re building a set of social skills, game, charisma, or body language cues that you’ve built up over time. There is some truth to this as these things do help and can be built up. But there’s no denying it’s an uphill, difficult game to play to win over a stranger you don’t know anything about and doesn’t know anything about you versus hanging out with someone on a recurring basis over time and getting to know them. Some people I’ve met succeed well in these settings and get really good at it, but how rare is that?
  • There may be gaps in their social awareness, boundaries, or ethics that never get taught. Some coaches are great in these environments from a lot of practice and reflection yet some get canceled by a country for mass approaching girls on the street, canceled for trying to throw a social circle event, or banned from clubs or shopping malls, which shows a lack of social intelligence and understanding.
    • To be fair, some don’t have problems and just improve their social skills. Not everyone ends up this way. But it makes you wonder if there’s a better way. When you think of the people who are most successful with women in your local town or city, it’s sometimes not the guys going to clubs and bars every night. Many of us know someone in our community who is thriving in dating and never goes to these things but is socially savvy, has a decent local social circle, and/or used to be an athlete.
  • Ethics are generally not taught. Therefore, many coaches have been known to go bankrupt in business, have a falling out for lying in business with their partners, or their lack of ethics with infield footage or something else causes them to get canceled or banned from venues or countries. Unfortunately, some of them have a no holds barred mindset of trying to get with everyone, even married women.
  • While this is advertised and taught like it works for everyone, a good portion of men don’t live in big cities or cities that have clubs, and it doesn’t work as well in smaller towns and areas with less traffic. A lot of these people can’t even use or relate to some of this advice. In small town, word gets around about your reputation if you’re being weird or spam approaching.
  • Many coaches won’t show their partners or exes or any notable success stories have. It’s usually or always just themselves talking to a camera, posting daily videos. Isn’t that a little fishy? Where’s the proof that they’ve succeeded and can actually help you? And if they do show their partner or someone, these women are typically average or not that impressive. It’s not always the case, but it’s often the case. That may sound harsh or savage, but not really when you’re trying to turn this into your business and claim to be an expert or master at this, while charging an obscene amount of money. It’s reasonable for prospective customers to demand some proof and credibility. In contrast, those good at social circle usually have a bit more irrefutable content with female friends or partners.
  • The great ones constantly go out, enjoy going out, and write field reports to learn from their mistakes and improve. But that’s not most people who attempt this. They don’t go out often or at all even though they say they should or will. Some are scared to go out at night so only go out in the day, which leads to a lot less practice, people they can meet, and experience in various situations. And many don’t learn from their mistakes, even though they should, so they keep doing the same thing, not improving, and just relying on a numbers game.
  • While this is a great place to get the volume to practice your social skills and game to improve, it’s not a good place for meeting a long-term partner. Even from experts who go out a lot and are good at night, they’ll admit the same thing: They’re great for practice, but bars and clubs aren’t the watering holes to meet the highest quality people. You’re going to find a crowd that likes to party and drink. You can still meet a doctor or accomplished professional women here since all walks of life flow through there, and you’re going to see a lot more attractive women at night than most other places. But the probability is lower at XS nightclub or your local pub to meet an accomplished, attractive female physician versus some other venue. So, it’s still better than most venues and events in terms of total amount of people you can talk to. But it’s certainly not going to be as good of a quality make-up as an academic conference or physicians networking event or book club or volunteer event when you’re looking for reliable qualities beyond looks.
  • This school of thought originated as a methodology that was formulaic and step-by-step like a video game for people who understood the world better through that lens, which attracted a lot of socially inept, logical men, engineers, autistic men, or somewhat uncalibrated men. Because socializing is more art than science and has a lot to do with generating emotions with women, it’s not that logical, simple, or step-by-step like baking a cake. Many men never get beyond this point and can’t tap into the emotional flow that women live by. Women don’t want an exchange of information, they’re looking for spikes in emotion. These uncalibrated men can mess up with a lot of girls, which can give them and this methodology a bad reputation.
  • Many of these beginners never break through the beginner level of skill and grow. They act really creepy without realizing it and scare off a lot of women. To be fair, the ones who get good are much more calibrated, but some never get to this point. This also makes it harder for the rest of men who are now scared of being seen as creepy.
  • You’re often told you need to buy an expensive four- or five-five bootcamp or virtual coaching program to get good. There is some truth to the fact that many never level up trying to figure it out themselves and need coaching. These programs are often short; you get a weekend or week with the coach and a group of students or weekly virtual coaching for a number of months. It’s helpful, but arguably not enough time to really change someone a lot. While more in-person feedback, coaching, and time would be helpful in changing someone, most of these coaches don’t offer packages or business models for longer periods, likely because they make more money charging a lot for a short amount of time.

Social Circle


  • Women tend to have their guard up when meeting strangers from cold approach and it’s difficult to win them over from scratch. With social circle, you have more warm interactions through the trust that you’ve built up with other girls around you, your social media content, and the fact that you’re in a more high-status, exclusive, and/or safer environments. Plus, you’re much more likely to see them repeatedly over time, which builds more trust and opportunity to learn about you.
  • You tend to snowball your social status and reputation over time, making it easier in the long run to get opportunities to meet high quality, higher status women and win them over. Compare that to cold approach where you’re starting over every night from scratch with building value in the eyes of a new person.
  • There’s a higher barrier to entry, which means you get more access with less competition after you’ve got it to work. Most men are lazy and go for the most convenient, easiest path forward, which are often dating apps. It’s easy to set up an online profile, which means there’s a ton of competition and less supply. Social circle is tougher to get going, which means you’ll access girls in person who often don’t use the apps. Plus, the more exclusive, high-status events are harder to get into, which means if you can get in, then you’re with women who are harder to access and there’s less competition since many men are incapable of even getting into the event and meeting these women. For example, at a high-level of performance, you’re meeting influencers, models, and entrepreneurs at a party that the general public can’t get into. The average men on dating apps have no chance of even getting into this party and no idea how. And the women at this party are high-value and have no need or interest in dating apps, so you’ll never find them on there. If you don’t think you can reach this level, keep in mind this is just an extreme example. There’s a lower-level version of this happening in your local community and local parties.
  • This school of thought believes you can be friends with women, while the other school of thought doesn’t. Therefore, you reap a ton of benefits from having female friends that the cold approach people don’t believe in or can’t understand how to make happen. For example, your female friends can point out a lot of quirks, bad habits like bad breath, body language, social blind spots, and behaviors you’re doing wrong that aren’t making you attractive. They can also introduce you to other attractive female friends and put in a good word since they like to play match maker. Plus, you get a huge advantage when being referred by a friend. A lot of the top women, when asked, meet their partners through a friend, not through some approach at a shopping mall or club. And, of course, you get the social proof and preselection that comes with having a few female friends around you. Many women are looking to see if they’re comfortable and trust you when they’re meeting a stranger, and seeing content online or you in-person with various female friends is probably the most solid form of trust. If other women feel safe around you, that’s a good sign. Plus, it exponentially increases your perceived value and attraction. Studies have shown that the man with an attractive women scores noticeably higher than the man alone by himself or the handsome man. Your female friends can also tell you a lot about the secret, exclusive places they hang out or get invited to. There are higher status places, parties, events, or locations with a lot more women that the average men doing cold approach just aren’t savvy to.
  • In most nightclubs, you’ll find that the attractive women are usually only in the VIP and table section because they get invited there. So, even in the place that PUAs like the most, they’re often left with the scraps and have to compete with a lot of men for them because they don’t know how to get into the VIP areas and reside in general admission. Some will argue that there are decent girls here and that some attractive girls get bored of their table and leave briefly. There is some truth to this. But there’s no denying that building status and/or a social circle helps you get into the VIP areas because you can bring women with you.
  • Social circle is for manufacturing attraction for girls who wouldn’t like you. You get seen as attractive to a lot more higher quality women who typically wouldn’t be interested and now ,you have a chance with these women who wouldn’t have. Whereas cold approach is much less focused and capable of generating attraction with women who aren’t interested in you. Instead, it’s more focused on sifting through people to find people who are already interested in you and/or relying on your game and social skills to try to build attraction with the general public of women. Therefore, there’s a much higher percent of these women who already like you by your looks and the quality of these women aren’t likely to be as high.
  • When you build your social circle right at a high level, you get access and invited to higher status and exclusive events and places. These places have higher quality of women that PUAs never get access to. They often have more accomplished jobs, their life is more together, they’re higher earners, they’re more social media famous, and they’re more attractive. Plus, just by the fact that you got into this event means they’ll probably treat you better and be more open to you than if you were just another stranger approaching in the club. Thus, you get the opportunity and ability to date higher quality women. Some PUAs don’t believe there’s another way or that it’s possible for them to do this, so they’re blind to the opportunity here. There’s a lot of nuances with social circle so you don’t come off uncalibrated. It’s difficult, and it takes a lot of patience, so they give up on it or label it as something that doesn’t work well. Trying to guess how to do this if you aren’t a natural or have a coach is like flying in the dark. Some have tried and failed. Best to go with a program like Michael Sartain’s Men of Action.
  • When you ask a lot of the most attractive girls how they met their partner or hook ups, they almost never say cold approach (test this out yourself and leave a comment – I’m curious too if this is true.). That’s not how this quality of women are likely going to meet their partner or someone they deem as quality. Hence, social circle taps into a higher level of women beyond the average or normal women. These are women that you typically won’t have access to because they’re rarely available to be approached in public or at night. And they’re not on dating apps because they don’t have to be to get invited to a bunch of stuff.
  • In this game, you’re building and growing every day, every year, and reaping the compounding effects. You’re becoming a local celebrity. People recognize you in the venues you frequent. Whereas with cold approach, it doesn’t really teach that, so your general value in a venue is not much higher from a drifter or loner. To be fair, some of them also still know how to make male friends and go out with them. But it’s just not the same as a local celebrity or popular person who clearly has friends, came out with friends, and people recognize and trust. Social circle teaches you to get to know the staff and become that recognized regular.


  • As hinted, building a social network and becoming a local celebrity takes a lot of work, time, and consistent effort. It’s like planting a seed and watering it every day for months. Many don’t have the patient or dedication or understanding on how to grow that the right way. They make mistakes along the way, especially without a coach. Those without much social skill or calibration can come off uncalibrated and mess things up without even realizing where they’re messing up. There are certain nuances that are overlooked where people screw up – you shouldn’t be hitting on girls or being creepy at your first photoshoot or event. You shouldn’t be pouring girls drinks; let them pour drinks themselves. A coach through a program like MOA can help you through these. But one can argue that cold approaching girls also takes a lot of dedication and practice as well. Whether it’s inviting thousands of girls to an event through Instagram DM or approaching thousands of girls, it’s always going to be a lot of work.
  • Having high level events or preselection through social circle won’t solve all your problems if your game sucks. Many make the mistake that a photoshoot, a table in a club, or some house party is going to solve their dating woes. Even if you succeed in getting the high-quality women to an event, if you don’t know how to interact with them, it’ll lead nowhere. The experts will tell you that you still need solid game and ability to lead or else, you’ll still come off uncalibrated or creepy or just invisible. So, you still need to develop your social skills and charisma some way, whether that’s through cold approach or some other way. Men of Action would argue not through PUA stuff because some of those teachings are the wrong things to do in these scenarios. For example, you’re not supposed to hit on or be creepy at your first event while you’re getting the ball rolling, but some men just don’t understand that or can’t get rid of their PUA tendencies.
  • It’s not easy. Easier said than done to build a network of people who know, like, and trust you from scratch in a new city. Once you get great, it’s easy for people good at this. If you’re new, it can be challenging. You have to put in the work and be patient. Many don’t understand the nuances or don’t take the time to. Or many are just too lazy to put in the work or uncomfortable with it. So, they don’t build that base of friendships and social circle or they may skip some steps and eventually give up when they can’t get their first or second event to succeed.
  • There’s a higher barrier to entry to get the ball rolling and to do it correctly since it’s nuanced. You have to develop social calibration and behave properly to build your network of friends and maintain that. The good news is once you have sowed the seeds and put in the work, it can yield more fruit with less effort.
  • Some never get to the point where their social circle starts snowballing. Approaching a stranger, in contrast, is fairly straightforward. Also, not easy but easier to grasp. Some men can never internalize certain concepts like how to make female friends. Others take it to it quickly like a fish to water and build their base and grow. But some men just never grasp it or don’t want to put the work in to do something uncomfortable, so they never build that network of women they know in-person and eventually just go back to cold approach or dating apps because it seems easier or more comfortable for them.
    • It’s not easy. But the rewards are where things are more difficult to get to. The easy stuff like approaching women and being terrible at it or installing a crappy profile on Tinder and Hinge are going to be where the most competition is and the lowest quality of results. You have to get really good at something, which just takes time. And the thought of actually going out and making female friends just doesn’t come naturally to some or is just uncomfortable compared to sitting on your toilet using your phone to go on the apps.
  • Getting to that point where the flywheel starts spinning can be tough. Some don’t want to put the time in to DM 1,000 women, so they never do and never get started. Some are too impatient or unaware to play the long game of meeting women at a venue and making friends with them first. So, they don’t get anywhere. Or they give up after their first or second event fails when success was around the corner.
  • It’s much more reliant on building a network of people you know in a home city, which means it can be more difficult, although not impossible, to travel and explore and grow a social circle if you like or have the ability to travel like a digital nomad. You’re better off staying in one city versus bopping around if you want to succeed with social circle. Once you build your Instagram to a high level, you can carry some of that social proof with you if you travel.


While both approaches have their pros and cons. They’re both worthwhile. Why not try everything at your disposal to improve your chances with women? While cold approach dominates the market, social circle is a misunderstood sleeping giant that’s worth really studying and using. If you want to get to a higher level with more access and status for career, business, or dating, social circle will get you there. While cold approach will get you to a better place of social skill and success, it has its limits and issues. Almost everyone probably knows some men in their local community that are doing very well with dating and they’re not just cold approaching at the mall, Starbucks, or club constantly. Instead, they’ve often set up a funnel, whether it be a social circle, house party, or something else, that let them to shine and present a lot of their attractive traits and strengths in a scenario that worked to their benefit.

I’m no expert, but I think you should be firing on all cylinders. Do it all. Cold approach, dating apps, social circle, and doing social activities and clubs you enjoy that have the women you want there. Everywhere you go you should be socializing and practicing talking to women because how else are you going to improve?

And try new methods beyond the ones advertised. Try everything. It could also be worth it try something new and completely different from what’s out there, like copying and picking the brains of the men in your local community doing well. Pay them a little bit of money so they’ll respond, learn from them, and report back (leave a comment) on how they do it. When I did this with a couple guys I knew, they’re not doing social circle exactly as MOA teaches it, but they’re also not doing cold approach. They have just made some tweaks to themselves and their strategy that worked, such as:

  • they’re muscular and athletic. But not overly muscular, just above average. Not competition level, but good looking enough.
  • they’re well groomed and stylish. Once again, not at the highest of levels, just above average.
  • their mannerisms and behaviors for choosing women indicates they’re the chooser, not the chaser.
  • they find things they like to do that also have women and go to those.
  • they build friendships with men and women alike and become recognized by their local community and get invited to things. It’s not always as focused on female friendships only or showing you have a lot of female friends.
  • they’re not that concerned about their looks as other things they can convey to women.
  • they get to know these girls as friends first.
  • they don’t try too hard.
  • *various other things are out there. I don’t have enough of a sample size. You can help source that for me in the comments.

Some coaches or people in the manosphere will find one thing that works for them, get comfortable there, and only do that. For example, they got dating apps to work after fiddling with various photoshoots for a while. And so, they’re mostly just on their phones all day, they never go out, and they only get dates off apps. For some, they’re satisfied, and that’s enough for them. But you can’t deny that this opens up a deficiency. I know some of these folks, and they’re unable to open an attractive women they see out in the day time because they get nervous, sweaty, and can only do well if they meet a girl through an app that has already matched with them and show up on a prearranged date.

The issue is that there are some girls that aren’t on the apps for various reasons. The highest quality girls are doing so well already off Instagram or real life and get invited to so many things that they don’t need the apps. Some think the apps are unsafe or didn’t have a good experience or would rather meet someone organically in person.

Similarly, I know some folks who have given up on dating apps because they suck at taking photos and can’t “crack the code.” Rather than hire a better photographer, they give up on apps and focus their attention entirely on cold approach at night. Some struggle with this but it’s their avenue. Others do well enough to double down on going out. But I’ve already mentioned the downsides of relying on going out cold to meet people.

Or another example are people who are scared or uncomfortable in night time venues so they give up on approaching entirely or rely on just approaching in the day time at grocery stores or shopping malls. There’s just a lot more things you can learn at night though, like flirting and leading women. Unfortunately, I’ve seen some people just give up out of laziness or lack of comfort in these environments. They’re unwilling to push through something and practice even if they don’t like it. Instead, they think swiping a credit card and paying for a program or coaching will solve everything. The truth is that there’s still a lot of work to be done by you if you want to succeed.

You’re going to need a base level of game no matter what since you want to avoid simp behaviors and you will have to interact with women at some point, so going out and practicing talking to women is worth it.

For every method of meeting women, there are people who are successful with it and found their comfort in it. There are people who succeeded and developed amazing skills with cold approach, so they see it as the only way or the best way. And the same goes for every other method. That’s not most men though. And that’s partially because they were missing something – not going through the pain period, not persisting, not reflecting/writing field reports enough, and so forth.

Then there’s social circle, which claims it’s better if you create a set up. As Dan Bilzerian says, set up your life in a way that succeeding becomes a lot easier. Create a funnel where you’re already at an advantage off the bat and you don’t have to rely on amazing game or looks. Elevate your status and get yourself into things like the VIP tables at the clubs or the cocktail parties or housewarming events that give you a higher quality of people where they’re already looking at you favorably because you could get in.

Don’t misunderstood. You don’t have to be going to red carpet celebrity events. Think one step or two higher than where you are in your local area. You can be a local celebrity. You don’t need the world to know who you are, but if the people in the places you frequented, like certain high-end restaurants or a running club you’re apart of, then you’ve won the game. That local status, being a big fish in a small pond, and the women seeing that is more powerful.

You’ll learn more about these nuances of social circle when you join a program like Men of Action. I’m a member and I recommend it. 

More important than theorizing is taking action. There’s plenty of people I’ve encountered who say they’re going to go out, talk to women, get some practice, but when it comes time to go out, they never go out because they’re uncomfortable, don’t like the environment, and so forth. They end up just never really going to any venues much where they can get much practice in. Compare that to the people I know who actually go out a lot at night, whether because they enjoy it, they are willing to doing something they’re uncomfortable with, or they’re not as lazy. They’re going to get much better with all that practice. It’s hard work. So, quibbling over the theory of what’s better only matters if you do something. And unfortunately, a good portion of men just never do anything.

What is the truth to dating? Is there one best way or is it different for everyone? I feel like no one knows the absolute true answers on how to optimize your dating life and attraction. There are just some people closer to the truth through their own experience and a community’s collective experience, testing, and research. And multiple avenues to get there, whether that’s through improving your charisma/game or creating a set-up and social circle or working on your physique and style or becoming someone very funny or all of the above. Take what works and discard the rest, as Bruce Lee would say. What I found is there’s some creepy beginner cold approach PUA stuff that will hurt you in social circle (e.g., barking at girls, being weird, asking strange questions, hovering, etc.), so discard that. But take in the good; for example, it seems like a lot of the best cold approach, PUAs, and social circle all teach the importance of qualifying, showing you’re a man of high-value, and getting a girl to chase you rather than the other way around.

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Categorized as Dating

By Will Chou

I am the the founder of this site and I am grateful you are here to be part of this awesome community. I help hard-working Asian American Millennials get rich doing work they love.

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