This blog is about helping you level up your health, wealth, relationships, and happiness. Today, we’re talking relationships. I had influencer Lauren Lala (@iheartlaurenlala) weigh in on some dating advice for men. Thank you for your time, Lauren!
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Now, some argue that “you shouldn’t ask a fish how to catch it”. I usually find some level of value in asking women for their perspective. Having the empathy to see the other person’s situations, struggles, and interpretations of a scenario can have a lot of benefits. They may not have the full picture, yet you can usually still glean some value or unique takes.
What catches your eye in a man? What sets one man apart from another? What matters and what doesn’t that people think does?
I think body language is extremely important. I can decipher what a man wants or what he’s like just by his body language or the type of words he chooses to use in his sentences, on top of tone of voice and timing of words. When it’s my turn to speak, I pay attention to his body language: is he even listening to me, does he even care about what I’m saying, or is this all just to sleep with me. I can tell a lot about a man that way. What catches my eye in a man physically is hair, freckles, hygiene, how he dresses, etc. What sets him apart from others is his energy when he’s surrounded by his friends or when he’s all alone. I think what matters most is how anyone carry themselves, confidence is attractive, but lots of men mistake confidence with cockiness and that’s a turn off.
Lauren’s thoughts here are right on track with my experience and what I’ve heard from other experts. I think some men are convinced they can overcome everything through their personality since they believe women care about looks less than men or not at all. Hence, they make the mistake of neglecting their hygiene, fashion, body language, physique, etc. Notice she’s not emphasizing muscles here. She’s emphasizing good hygiene, style, and body movement. A lot of body movement, tone, and energy comes from the mind: how you believe in your self, your self-worth/self-love, your ability to communicate well with others, win friends, how confident or low-value is your tone and frequency of speech – these are all under-rated or overlooked behaviors. One can really tell a lot about a person in the first few moments. I’ve been on the other side of that! Sometimes, women will ask if I came here alone or with friends. It’s a common thing, or they’ll tell before I speak to them if I’m alone, and it’s usually not a good look! They want to see you’re capable and effective enough to have friends. One simple thing we can all work on immediately is the tone of our voice, how it fluctuates, what’s the energy of the voice, how loud or soft it is, and how confident/shy it is.
Interesting so energy, confidence, assertiveness, command, leadership, cleanliness… what he wears and how he moves and interacts nonverbally?
Yes that’s just physical though.
Emotional awareness is so important. Being open minded, empathetic, caring, kind hearted, and compassionate is more attractive than muscles or a beard or whatever else girls find nice
Wit, a sense of humor, for me I love dark humor, I look for a best friend in a partner, transparency is huge. It’s so huge for me, if I sense any kind of shade or if I feel like I’m being lied to, I don’t even entertain the idea of being with that person.
I don’t like to depend on people for money, and I can pay my own bills and pay for dates or dinners, but I like to be with a man who is just as ambitious and rich not only in wealth but knowledge too.
But it’s not what I rely on because I am the same and can be my own knight in shining armor. I simply want someone to match me.
Makes sense. Modern thinking. Someone who can demonstrate those personality traits is more important than physical. You think it is rare to find this? Because many men can be these things. Or maybe they just think they can.
I think it’s rare now days because people are so into their own egos, they’re fragile and are afraid of rejection. That’s why women and men play each other with silly games.
What is a good way for a man to show his inner traits? I feel like a loud nightclub or approaching on the street leads to rejection before he can show his personality.
I would never suggest meeting potential partners at a club or bar environment because they’re looking for something either temporary or are not in their right state of mind to be themselves. Often times, people dress up and have ON personalities in an environment where they feel the need to impress those around them. Grocery stores, libraries, or in outdoor like beach or on the street is ideal. Although it’s hard for men to approach women because of rape culture, it’s the way you would approach a woman.
Social media is a good one as well. Sometimes, people are too shy or not comfortable with meeting the person in real life so it’s good to get to know them, like having a pen pal.
A good way to show your inner traits is just to be yourself. The right person will come along eventually.
Do you really think one can be themselves and approach people on the street or at a grocery store? I tried that and I get told they have a boyfriend before a few seconds pass, so I don’t get a chance to show my personality. It is not easy to summon up the courage.
All I’m saying is if you approach someone pretending to be something you’re not, it’ll bite you in the end because they’ll figure out who you are and whoever they fell in love with will all be a lie.
If they have a boyfriend or not, that just means they weren’t meant for you.
Be your true authentic self and someone with the same energy will come along.
Closing Thoughts
Here are some of my thoughts after Lauren’s answers for my own reflection on her advice. I noticed how much body language and the mind matters, not just the physical. You can look handsome, but if your tone of voice, empathy, confidence, and movement is off, needy, low-status, desperate, fearful, or passive, that can be a big turn off. For women, your “energy” and personality traits and social skills matter more than for men. I noticed how Lauren notices if you’re an active listener or not and what type of energy you put out with friends or alone. Energy is hard to describe, but many women use the term. I like to think of it as the overall emotions and vibe you pass on to others through your actions; this can come from your personality, values, emotional maturity, social skills, self esteem, beliefs, interests, body language, and more.
Even if a woman is independent and can pay for herself, no woman would like it if a guy asked her to split the bill on a first date. Women can say they wouldn’t care all they want, but like Chris Rock said, nothing dries up a vagina quicker than a woman reaching for her wallet.
I have learned to just pay first date by default unless they object. It reduces any risk. It’s probably just $20, not cheap but not devastating either. I have found that some care and others don’t.