Last year, I was living in New York City, and I realized how much your social life as an adult depends on you. Even in one of the largest, most lively cities in the world, I can easily see how someone can be isolated or have no social life out of a lack of skill.
If someone sits in their apartment all day playing video games or has no ability or knowledge on how to get out there and make friends, that person lives on their own lonely island as they go about their life. Even though they’re surrounded by people as they walk to a restaurant or to the gym, these people are strangers. They don’t interact with him. In an unfortunate but common paradox, a person can feel lonely despite being amongst so many people. And the toughest part is that these people are usually not going to reach out to you because you’re a stranger to them as well as you sit on the metro or go about your day. They don’t know if you’re safe or have any affiliation to you yet.
While this idea may seem foreign to some because making friends comes so naturally to them, I totally see how this plays out because that’s how I used to be. I really had to fight it and make an effort to test and figure out how to make friends as an adult and go out and be social. I tried out almost every everything. But when you’re starting out after college as a nerdy Asian young adult in a new city with no connections, people aren’t going out of their way to invite you to parties or anything. There’s a lack of knowledge on how to make friends and how to get out there. And there’s a natural inclination to just go to the gym, to work, and then back to your TV or on the computer.
Some people who are naturally good socially or naturally attractive or popular may not be able to relate. They may say stuff like: Just go to a hobby you like! Find a fitness class! Go tailgating! Go to a sports game or a bar! Watch a football game! People come up to me all the time and invite me to stuff when I’m at the bar. Okay, thanks – but maybe you’re more social or attractive or don’t feel as weird in these areas or actually watch American football.
Yes, I’ve definitely become more open-minded and can somewhat “hold my own” at these places after a few years. For the average college grad, which is when I started, those places were uncomfortable for me, and people come up to me less. I had to learn to initiate or find other activities. And what about not just finding friends for mental health, but also finding friends that lift you to higher levels?
Making friends with influential people can be a valuable way to expand your network, gain access to new opportunities, and increase your influence and success. However, building and maintaining meaningful relationships with influential people can be challenging, especially if you are not sure how to approach them and make a good impression.
In his book “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” Dale Carnegie offers some valuable advice on how to make friends with influential people. Carnegie emphasizes the importance of showing genuine interest in others, listening actively and empathetically, and finding common ground and shared interests. He also recommends using flattery and praise sparingly and tactfully, and avoiding arguments and criticism.
Another book that offers valuable insights on how to make friends with influential people is “Never Eat Alone” by Keith Ferrazzi. In his book, Ferrazzi emphasizes the importance of building and maintaining a strong network of relationships, and offers practical advice on how to connect with and engage influential people. He suggests being proactive and reaching out to influential people, offering value and support, and building trust and rapport over time.
Here are some specific tips for making friends with influential people, based on the advice from Carnegie and Ferrazzi:
- Show genuine interest in the other person and their work, and ask questions to learn more about them.
- Listen actively and empathetically, and try to understand their perspective and needs.
- Find common ground and shared interests, and use these as a basis for building a relationship.
- Offer value and support, such as providing useful information or resources, or introducing them to other people in your network.
- Be proactive and reach out to influential people, and make the first move to initiate a relationship.
- Use flattery and praise sparingly and tactfully, and avoid being overly eager or obsequious.
- Build trust and rapport over time, by being consistent and reliable, and following through on your commitments.
- Avoid arguments and criticism, and focus on building a positive and mutually beneficial relationship.
Influential friends are not just friends who are rich.
Just because someone’s rich doesn’t mean you should hang out with him or her.
There are many rich people who still have a lot of personal, psychological, or relationship issues they need to work out. Some are terrible people.
If you want to think on a higher level and truly surround yourself with great people, you have to have more criteria than just wealthy.
Here’s my general criteria:
- healthy, emotionally stable
- positive, friendly, cares about others
- gives more than he or she takes
- is interested in self-development, learning, getting better
- we get along and preferably have similar interests
Now those might be tough criteria.
Note: It’s not easy for me to always find people and I’m working on getting better at it just like you.
The entrepreneur Nick Unsworth wrote in his book about how he chose the wrong mentor: the man flashed his fancy cars and house.. but it all turned out to be a complete sham. He was a terrible teacher and the whole thing was a trick.
This is one of many reason that I have learned that wealth is not the only thing to look for.
It took me a long time studying successful people before I really learned that.
Now, how do you make friends with influential people?
This article will cover specifically influential people, which I must note is a different topic from successful people.
They cover similar fields, but it’s not the same thing.
You can have a large influence but not be successful financially or in terms of your health or well-being or relationships.
By influence in this case, I mean people who can fairly quickly impact a large amount of people.
Think bloggers, social media influencers, Youtubers, and so on.
1. Learn A TON About Them
Nicki Minaj got really mad when an interviewer didn’t even bother to watch any of her music videos. It’s a disrespectful thing to not have done your research.. especially when you’re questioning that person on those topics.
2. Find out a way to contact them
Here are some tried and true ways.
Conferences or events they are at – Tim Ferriss volunteered for an entrepreneur-themed non-profit. He spend weeks giving and eventually was able to interview and meet some very influential people when the opportunity came. Notice that he gave a ton before asking. He also found a unique way that others weren’t using as much.
Email – This will always be a sacred resource of content everyone will use. There’s a great book called Never Eat Alone that goes into detail on getting past a gatekeeper. Sometimes, their email is public but more often than not, it’s protected by a secretary.
Social media – I have done a TON of testing with this across hundreds of social media influencers in the 100k+ to 1 million+ followers. Twitter has always worked best no matter the influencer. It only doesn’t work when they’re super famous (1 million+). Sometimes, check Facebook to see if they allow Messages.
3. Be quick and concise
They’re usually busy. When you contact them, keep it short and sweet. They don’t have time to read a 2 page essay.
4. Don’t be a leech or annoying person. GIVE more than you take.
Don’t be like everyone else who gets mad after they ignore you for sending a super annoying email begging for stuff for free.
Provide incredible value with manners.
Value can be provided in numerous ways: give them results or research or data or an incredible story they would find great value in.
Don’t kiss their butt too much! It can come off too much in the other way though.
5. Have A Great Email
If you’re reaching out through email, here are some core things that you should do so you come off the right way:
- Show that you’ve done your research
- Be very SPECIFIC with what you want help with.
- Keep it concise. They’re busy.
- Give specific information on you and your problem. Don’t make it broad or vague
- Do somethings ahead of time for them. Show them what you’ve done already. It shows you are prepared. Examples: “I went through all your directions on networking. I did … … ..” or “I noticed you needed web development help so I went ahead and did it for free.”
- Keep the receiving cognitive activity on the low end. What’s that mean? It means don’t put the responsibility on them to think too much. They want to glance at the email and be able to answer or say yes/no. This goes back to a vague question like “I don’t know what to do with my life.” It’s putting too much pressure on a stranger to figure it out.
Meeting and befriending successful people can be a valuable way to learn from their experiences, gain access to new opportunities, and improve your own chances of success. However, building and maintaining relationships with successful people can be challenging, especially if you are not sure how to approach them and make a good impression.
In his book “The Education of Millionaires: Everything You Won’t Learn in College About How to Be Successful,” Michael Ellsberg offers some valuable advice on how to meet and befriend successful people. Ellsberg emphasizes the importance of building a strong personal brand and a distinctive personal identity, and of developing a clear and compelling value proposition that sets you apart from others. He also recommends being proactive and reaching out to successful people, offering value and support, and building trust and rapport over time.
Here are some specific tips for meeting and befriending successful people, based on the advice from Ellsberg:
- Develop a strong personal brand and a distinctive personal identity, and use these to differentiate yourself from others.
- Create a clear and compelling value proposition, and use this to showcase your unique skills, experiences, and achievements.
- Be proactive and reach out to successful people, and make the first move to initiate a relationship.
- Offer value and support, such as providing useful information or resources, or introducing them to other people in your network.
- Build trust and rapport over time, by being consistent and reliable, and following through on your commitments.
- Avoid being overly eager or obsequious, and focus on building a positive and mutually beneficial relationship.
In his book “Who’s Got Your Back,” Keith Ferrazzi offers some valuable advice on how to meet and befriend successful people. Ferrazzi emphasizes the importance of building and maintaining a strong network of relationships, and of being proactive and reaching out to successful people. He also recommends offering value and support, and building trust and rapport over time.
Another book that offers valuable insights on how to meet and befriend successful people is “The Go-Giver” by Bob Burg and John David Mann. In their book, Burg and Mann emphasize the importance of focusing on giving value and support to others, rather than solely pursuing your own interests. They suggest being proactive and reaching out to successful people, offering value and support, and building trust and rapport over time.
Here are some specific tips for meeting and befriending successful people, based on the advice from Ferrazzi and Burg and Mann:
- Be proactive and reach out to successful people, and make the first move to initiate a relationship.
- Offer value and support, such as providing useful information or resources, or introducing them to other people in your network.
- Build trust and rapport over time, by being consistent and reliable, and following through on your commitments.
- Focus on giving value and support to others, rather than solely pursuing your own interests.
- Avoid being overly eager or obsequious, and focus on building a positive and mutually beneficial relationship.
