I recently stumbled across a few videos by someone called David Bond that gave me some epiphanies.
One idea he posed is what we belief turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy. He gives the example of an influencer he used to follow on Instagram. Every one of this man’s photos is him flaunting wealth, whether it is a photo of his expensive watch, car, or some other possession. Then, David asks the audience what they think this man’s world view is. It’s obvious that he believes that women like a lot of money and that’s how to attract women. He also asks what types of women is this guy likely to attract? The answer is likely gold diggers and very superficial women.
David goes on to point out how this belief creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. This influencer sees that his strategy is working and attracting women, even if it’s superficial women, and then as he continues to collect self-confirming evidence, it re-enforces his belief and behavior that this is the only or best way.
David brings up how he knows men who believe all women are gold-diggers or only talk to them warmly if they spend money on them. But the issue is that they’re only attracting these types of women because of their behaviors, which creates a feedback loop of confirmation bias where all they can see supports their belief. While there are women who are not like this, they don’t encounter them because of their behavior and beliefs around money.
Then, David goes into many of his own stories and those of his friends to shatter this belief that only rich men succeed with women. He brings up how he did well with attractive women in Los Angeles even back when he was broke, sleeping on an air mattress, and living with his parents. He says the best way of breaking limiting beliefs is finding and hanging around someone who shatters those beliefs with their actions. (I think it’s easier said than done to find someone like this, but it’s still a great point.)
What other limiting beliefs do we have that aren’t a complete representation of reality but we believe them to be so because we’re constantly cherry-picking evidence to support those beliefs? Some common ones that come to mind are that “I can’t be successful with business/dating/money because I’m (insert ethnicity/old or young age/height/something we can’t control/a certain identity/too introverted/not charismatic/don’t like night life/don’t like loud noises/etc.)”
In another video, he goes into identity. How we hold ourselves back because of our ingrained identities and worldviews about how the world works. He poses the fascinating point that our identify is made up of things we were born into: our childhood, culture, parents, genetic predispositions, and life experiences. But are you your culture? Are you simply what was imprinted upon you as a child without your control? Or can you choose your identity?
I realized that most people live their lives like zombies, moving through with an identity imprinted upon them without ever questioning if they could choose a new identity. Instead, for example, they may believe they are shy or introverted or a tech nerd, and that’s why they can’t break free or change. But the reasoning for this is flawed. Their existing identity is changeable.
He brings up someone he knew who was from Indian. And because there’s a caste system there, it took him years to break free of this belief that he couldn’t associate or talk to someone above him in a caste system and to stop labeling everyone by a caste system even after he moved to the USA where there isn’t as rigid of a status system.
I don’t agree with everything David says, but it does spark some interesting ideas. One thing he poses is using an Alter Ego to break out of what holds you to your existing identity. It’s certainly one path but I question if it’s the healthiest path or the only path. I don’t like that it comes from the idea of putting on a fake, pretend character to break free instead of just realizing you can shift into a new person in a more mentally healthy way. But hey, it worked for him. He admits his real name is David Campbell, but he used a “James Bond” persona to change his behaviors and beliefs.
Changing into a new identity isn’t easy, especially if you have decades of habits, beliefs, behaviors, and thoughts to rework. I don’t know if you need to go as extreme as developing an alter ego to do so, but it’s a way. And certainly, some people have the potential to break free of things that no longer serve them. While you may not have a caste system brain, you may think you’re unworthy of talking to higher status people because you were bullied in school or something similar. There’s a lesser version of this thought loop playing in many people’s brains that we need to cast aside so that we can reach our potentials and achieve more. Don’t let your past hold you back from achieving a higher quality life, partner, spouse, girlfriend, business, or whatever you’re pursuing.
