I initially didn’t want to talk about this topic since it tends to attract some negativity, but I wouldn’t be doing justice ignoring this phenomenon given that it is noticeable in the Asian male community and my blog is serving this audience.
When it comes to AMWF (Asian Man White Female) couples, there’s obviously the cultural barrier. Sometimes, it’s the social dynamic itself. More usually, it’s when the parents get involved given that American-born Asians are quite Americanized.
For some couples, it’s smooth sailing until it gets serious and the culture difference is too big. For others, they make it work anyways.
Often, this pairing is seen as a fetish for some and a normal relationship with a label for others.
Some Asian American men have admitted that dating a white female was a trophy wife situation or moment when they could show off that they’re dating this race.
AJ Rafael is a musician, YouTuber, and friend of Tori Kelly. I saw a video interview he did at a Asian mini-convention he appeared about and that’s how he described dating his first white girl. I believe he went on to say that dating shouldn’t be just to show off what race you’re dating.
Wong Fu Productions briefly touched on these social issues beautifully in their skit, Yellow Fever 2:
- Asian men complaining that only Asian women get fetishized but then don’t want to be fetishized for just being Asian by certain people.
- Asian men also fetishizing white women just because they’re white.
- Asian men complaining about not being equally considered by white women, but truly only trying to date them to prove and measure their masculinity rather than being about if they have similar lifestyles, humor, and taste.
My point was not to make this article into some equality or social issue debate, but to keep it towards self-development and improving yourself, like my other content.
You’re doing yourself a disservice if you’re only or mainly trying to date a women because dating their race is an accomplishment to show off. That’s because like any other superficial metric, it ultimately rings hollow and you feel empty as that’s not the substance that makes a true, healthy relationship.
Kevin Kreider, Korean-American adoptee, bodybuilding champion, fitness trainer, model, speaker, and life coach, revealed how he learned this the hard way in his TedX talk. He dated white women because he wanted that status and acceptance he never got as an Asian from that race and because this ethnicity was seen as a higher echelon he couldn’t reach. Later on, he started dating women of all ethnicities, including Asians. He stopped running away from his ethnicity and learned to love himself.
A common stigma by the Asian American male community across the nation is that they believe that they’re at the bottom of the dating hierarchy and Caucasian women are at the top. Kevin Kreider saw this first hand with the demand in the modeling industry but is it true?
Top YouTubers, like Timothydelaghetto and KevJumba, have independently made videos imploring Asian American men to stop being cowards, stop assuming and step up. KevJumba went so far as to say that he’s never heard a white female ever say that Asian men are at the bottom of the hierarchy and that we’re limiting ourselves in our own head.
Likely, the answers somewhere in the middle. Many people of different races have come out and mentioned that there is less of an Asian masculine presence in Hollywood films, which ripples down to how attractive they’re perceived. Even if it isn’t explicitly stated, perhaps there is an unspoken disinterest. This lady admits it in her blog.
My main point is that you can waste your life debating these theories in your head or online and get nothing out of it. So don’t. I learned this the hard way.
Obviously, people are going to prefer those who have similar cultures, tastes, and hobbies. Just do whatever you can to make the best of your situation and get the best results in the long run. Complaints, excuses, and resentment are a waste of life and a limiter to your potential and behavior.
I sometimes need to just snap out of the negativity in my head and from anonymous online users and take a look at reality so see clearly again. While it can seem so bad on the Internet, I just have to look around.
In my freshman year of college, I had two AMWF couples on the floor above me. One included a nerdy, overweight, but positive Asian guy with a blonde girlfriend and the other included a lean, more athletic, well-dressed Asian with a dark-haired girlfriend. Both Asian Americans. Both with healthy relationships.
Even then, I caught myself once or twice thinking, “This doesn’t happen.” But then, I would look at the floor above me and it’d be like, “Oh yeah. It does.”
If your reaction is that there are less of them — blah, blah, blah, remember what I just said?
Another stereotype you see is that most white women who like Asian men are niche, culturally-different, and aren’t a normal American. Think cosplayers, anime lovers, and nerds. Joe Rogan even went on a rant on his podcast about this a couple years ago, theorizing that usually, when it happens “they’re both a little off” and speculating on why we’ve lost our masculinity and appeal from the days of the great Ghenghis Khan.
If you scroll through the #AMWF and similar hashtags on Instagram (a huge source to find real couples), you’ll see that this may generally be the case.
Of course, with stereotypes, they’re generalizations and there are exceptions. Holly King isn’t considered weird. She’s a Playboy Playmate who had normal relationships with other white men before she stumbled across KPop bands and got turned onto just Asians.
But then, that doesn’t truly convince you that it’s possible to have a normal relationship right. A rarity is hard to come by? Plus, Holly has gotten really into the cosplay convention and expo scene, a popular destination for Asian Americans, if you check her Instagram.
The last big complaint I see is that even it’s hard to find Asian American women who will date you because you’re competing with white and black men, who usually do better.
Hey, I get it. It’s tough. At my core, I’m just a guy who wants to be treated equally by every race. I want to be given a decent chance, like other men, to be seen as attractive by females of all ethnicities. I know how hard it is to bite your tongue and get rid of negative thoughts, complaints of how unfair it is, and resentment. You’re giving other ethnicities a chance, so why don’t they, right?
No more toxicity or bitterness. No more expectations about what we deserve.
Greater obstacles have been overcome by people. We’ve figured out how to travel to the moon, 238,900 miles away, for goodness sake. We’ve invented cars, the atomic bomb, search engines, and now artificial intelligence. People have made it through the Holocaust. Thomas Edison went through 10,000 attempts before he invented the light bulb. If they can do that, we can do this.
If you want proof, scroll through the #AMWF hashtags, go on YouTube, or check the AMWF couples Instagram profiles.
And if you’re obsessing over dating a woman because of her ethnicity above all else, including beauty, intelligence, trust, kindness, and respect, that’s a red flag. Ask yourself why. Is it to prove something to yourself or others? Is that a mentally healthy and beneficial achievement for you and your relationship in the short- and long-run? Does anyone actually care?
If you look at the Asian American men who successfully have a white girlfriend on social, most of them have healthy relationships where they care much more about factors other than skin color.
Become our best selves. Put our best foot forward, one step at a time. Question assumptions. Live your life true to yourself in a way you enjoy, free of seeking validation from others.
Hi Will!
I just want to thank you for this incredibly insightful post and add a few thoughts. I tend to be long-winded, so my sincerest apologies in advance for the impromptu and poorly organized thesis paper – I’ve written and deleted multiple comments to you on this and it keeps getting longer with more thoughts, so I’m going to send it now before it turns into a book. I read this post months ago and haven’t been able to stop coming back to it wanting to understand your perspectives and to encourage other people to follow your advice here since, as you mentioned, most material out there on this topic leans towards negativity, racism in either direction, and a little toxicity in terms of objectifying both people in the AMWF couple or pairing in the name of fetish. (All fetishes fulfill unmet needs that people have and I’m not judging, I have my own for different reasons, but at the end of the day we all need to cultivate self love and healthy, reciprocal love in relationships above all else. Good fetish meets the needs in a way that doesn’t leave you hollow and broken afterwards, but that is another rant for another time. Just be careful what you consume in the name of… satisfying certain needs, because if you aren’t respecting yourself then no one else will, and degrading the other person in the name of getting off or feeling better about yourself is the least manly or healthy thing you could possibly do.) I have been hesitant to post a comment or send you a message not just because I can’t seem to make this concise, but because, well… I’m certainly not your target audience, and I have no idea if you will find anything I have to say worth your time or not. My goal is always to encourage people to overcome negativity and reach their full potential, however, so here goes. If anything I have to say empowers anyone to treat themselves with more kindness and love and respect, especially in the name of overcoming stereotypes and finding happiness with or without a healthy life partner, then it’s worth the risk of speaking out of turn and embarrassing myself for a moment.
A little background: I am an American “white” female dating a Chinese American man for about a year now, and I came across your article while researching this topic once I realized there was a stigma attached to our relationship. Please note, haters and hopefuls alike, I did not know that our relationship was a fetish or something people would be racist about because it never occurred to me, which could be chocked up to any white privilege I live with or simply my core values that do not include that kind of prejudice. There are plenty of unhealthy women of any race out there, yes, and some of them will be racist and think terrible things about you – so just don’t waste your time on them any more than I should waste my time on someone who is sexist or objectifying me. Just realize that more women than men are attracted to people based on who they are in terms of heart and mind rather than what they look like. (I encourage you to try it, as all aspects of the relationship are better when you have an intellectual and emotional chemistry that makes the physical stuff much more intense.) Besides, who thinks Asian men are unattractive? I knew plenty of women who thought Asian men were more attractive than other men growing up and have had many AMWF couples in my friend group, one of whom ended up getting married and have two beautiful children and moved back to Japan together. More importantly, I chose to date my current boyfriend because I immediately started falling in love with his integrity, intellect, humor, wit, big heart, and all the things that make up his personality and soul. More on that later, because it’s the most important part of what I want you all to understand, and his Asian cultural influences and traits play a huge part in who he is and why I am attracted to this man more than anyone else I have ever been with. It would never have occurred to me to specifically go in search of dating an Asian or Asian American man because choosing someone solely based on race is racist and objectifies them, and sort of negates the idea of any future healthy relationship.
More background: my boyfriend was born in Hong Kong and moved to the US with his family when he was two years old, and speaks Cantonese. My family is descended from Scottish immigrants on one side, and Hungarian immigrants on the other; as a side note I find it amusing to begin with that I am grouped as “white” since at different times in history these groups were not at all considered “white” or important “races” at all. Scientifically speaking, by the way, “race” is a human social invention so our less-than-perfect- brains can simplify differences in each other that we don’t understand out of fear. This allows us to give in to fear in order to be mean to each other about it because we don’t feel like getting over ourselves. Giving in to racism is antithetical to higher thinking and intellect. Look up how geneticists and anthropologists feel about “race” and you will see what I’m talking about. Scientifically speaking, race doesn’t exist and we are all just exhibiting our personal Punnett Square of our breeding populations. If you look back not so far into my ancestors’ history, you will find Scottish people living in tribal cultures before the British colonized them, and the same with my Hungarian ancestors who also intermingled with Asian and Middle Eastern populations due to proximity and everyone wanting to take over the Carpathian Basin for her fertile abundance (pun intended). I think it’s really important to keep these scientific and historical facts in perspective when we’re talking about “race” and how it can affect a person’s sense of self worth. In the end, I probably have more to worry about and obsess over in terms of my safety and self worth because women are constantly under siege regarding our appearance and sexist rape culture in general taking away our choices and safety, as it has been throughout history and will continue to be until men choose chivalry over ego every single time. Good luck with that, you’re getting alot of static from the toxic masculinity camps and I see you struggling with it here in this very blog post. Interestingly, although every culture and civilization has its issues, my Chinese American boyfriend is hands down the most chivalrous and protective significant other I have ever had, and according to him it’s a cultural difference. I’m going to bring you gentlemen back around to this idea later because it’s the most important point I can make to you as your unique strength in the dating world.
Anyway, my boyfriend’s family scraped together a living as new immigrants and later citizens, working multiple jobs to support their family until they became financially stable and successful. My family is the same, although we have been here for multiple generations, my parents were both the first people in their families to go to college, and my elders often spoke of financial hardships and their values that got the family through difficult times. Although my parents did well enough to send me to private schools and felt like that was some sort of ultimate achievement for the family, I may have been raised with more of a sense of personal responsibility and less entitlement that most white Americans in general, but especially the kids I went to private school with, because all generations of my family remember having to create their success rather than having it handed to them. My boyfriend’s family is successful and honorably takes care of each other, but they’re not wealthy and I don’t need them to be – again, I love him for who he is, how he treats me and everyone who loves me, how he treats his own family and other people in general, and how he genuinely loves me for who I am. We are both helping each other heal from previous toxic relationships so it’s always a work in progress, but I fall more in love with this man every day because he encourages me to have an actual personality and banter with him, to own my faults and love myself, to disagree with him and call him out in the same way he does for me, and to take care of myself and to let him take care of me as much as I take care of him. I didn’t start dating him because he’s Chinese American, but I now appreciate that he is in a way that makes me love him for it in addition to everything else that makes up who he is.
This brings me back to how my boyfriend’s Asian heritage is so important in our relationship and why it is so refreshing to be with him. I have been continuously surprised at how well I am treated in this relationship, and so has he. His previous relationship was with another white woman who treated him poorly, and my previous relationship was with a white man who treated me also quite poorly. I had grown up reading everything I could get my hands on, including classic literature and romance novels from all cultures, and I really thought that honorable men of integrity were a thing of the past for the most part. It was sort of my secret fetish. I have one or two male friends who are married to my female best friends who have the same integrity that match my core values, regardless of their cultural backgrounds, but that’s it. There are so many beautiful women out there and I will be the first to tell you that I’m not the prettiest woman in any room, but I tend to get way too much attention for the wrong reasons because of my hourglass figure. At the same time, I am tired of hearing from everyone under the sun that I would be prettier if I smiled more, or took my glasses off, or if I were a tall leggy blond or Asian woman instead of a 5’4” curvy girl. See, don’t lose sight of the fact that everyone on earth has been stereotyped and made fun of or humiliated in some way, and we are all comparing ourselves to someone and feeling less than worthy of love at some point in our lives. In overcoming the submission to negative stereotypes and the words of bullies and racists and sexists, and in beginning to love ourselves as we are in order to present our most authentic, humble selves in the dating world, we finally find true liberation and path to being content alone until we find that just right partner. It’s easy to end up settling for unhealthy relationships when you don’t know any better and don’t think you deserve better. My boyfriend was the same way, and although I think he is handsome, he was being taken advantage of and getting stuck in unhealthy relationships not for his body before he met me but because he is a provider and can take care of his partner and family like none other. We’ve both had an enormous learning curve in terms of realizing that we’ve both been taking care of everyone else our whole lives, and no one has been taking care of us until we started our lives over again in the name of self care and found each other. My point is that my boyfriend deserves reciprocation of love and respect and care in the relationship, and so do you. Don’t ever forget that as we begin to explore why his Asian masculinity is what makes him so completely attractive to me, and why I will be loyal to him for as long as he’ll have me. If you expand your search from “white” to simply compatible with chemistry, you’re going to end up much more satisfied and happy. (What is the obsession with “white” people being better than anyone anyway? Do you realize how boring and vapid American culture is? Is the colonization culture of the British really that appealing? We need to examine the idea of not becoming like the monsters who have wronged us, and staying true to the best parts of ourselves despite them. Take the good from any culture and don’t absorb the negative and toxic parts, and remember that no one is ever better than anyone else. )
What does being an Asian male have to do with this story? Why do I hope this will encourage you to go date whoever you want with no reservations? My boyfriend points out his cultural differences with other Americans when it comes to being chivalrous towards his partner (me, yay!), providing for his family, being overwhelmingly attentive and thorough in bed (ok, WOW, gentleman, I am never going back and you have nothing to worry about, proceed with confidence and ignore anyone who rejects you, and apologies if you feel objectified right now because I can’t help it), knowing how to cook and help take care of a household, being a leader at work who works alongside people rather than taking advantage of others, and so on and so forth, including but not limited to his ethics and sense of humor, and even his unique intellect and outlook on the world. At first I thought this was just an exceptional man, a unicorn even, except he’s teaching me that it’s more common that I thought amongst other Asian men. I just had no idea because I hadn’t been exposed this intimately to these cultural nuances and benefits. The more questions that I ask and the more research I do, the more I discover that many women of all backgrounds feel this way about Asian men, and many Asian men in general identify with the things that my boyfriend does and thinks that he ascribes to the Asian part of his identity. It’s not just comforting and safe, after a lifetime of feeling objectified and devalued and hurt and unsatisfied by men of other races, it’s incredibly hot, for lack of a better way of putting it. I’ve never described anyone as “hot” before, but when I think or talk about these qualities in my boyfriend it’s a major turn on and my brain stops working properly… embarrassing but true. My Chinese American boyfriend fulfills my lifelong unmet need of being encouraged to be a strong woman with an actual personality (gasp) while also feeling safe and protected by his love for me… and it’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever experienced. Asian gentleman of any background and country, if you identify with any of the values that my boyfriend claims are part of many Asian cultures, then this is your strength in the dating world. It’s the manliest thing you could do, to be so secure in your masculinity that you are able to eschew toxic masculinity and entitlement that is disgustingly rampant in white men especially, and to be your authentic self, proud of your heritage and cultural differences and able to appreciate and support those healthy things in others. The more I consume of Asian tv shows and movies (thank you Netflix, I’m truly impressed by what’s on there, and I watch with English subtitles because the language is beautiful and I’m even starting to recognize some Korean and Chinese words… maybe), and reread all the books I read growing up, the more I realize that there is an underlying thread of kindness and honoring of female partners being very masculine that I definitely don’t see in other non-Asian media and cultures. Yes, yes, there is always some form of toxicity in every culture and I’m aware of the sexism in Asian cultures as well… I’m saying the good stuff outweighs the bad here, and outshines the male competition from other cultures.
I’m afraid this is already too long and my point will be lost. I want you all to realize that by believing that you cannot overcome the negative stereotype, you have already lost. Your beliefs become your reality. I was convinced at different times in my life that I was completely unattractive because I am relatively short and curvy, and that did not fit the standard of tall skinny blond and Asian girls that white guys were comparing me to growing up. I made myself sick over it, until I realized after a kind male friend pointed it out to me while I was playing wingman to my gorgeous blonde best friend, thinking I was just the ugly sidekick there to keep her from getting date raped, that multiple guys were trying to chat me up at the bar or make eyes at me and I didn’t understand what was happening because it NEVER occurred to me that I was attractive to anyone. I grew up riding horses and competing them, so I was used to having more muscle in the rear and not fitting into size 0 like the girls all the white guys wanted to date. As it turns out, being curvy did not actually mean I was fat, and some guys love girls and women who can keep up with them in a Crossfit gym or fill out a dress in the right places. Do I really want someone to only date me because of how I look though? Do you? What would we even talk about, and where would the chemistry come from? Have you noticed that when people open their mouths and start speaking they become infinitely less, or exponentially more attractive based on what they say and how they treat other people? Don’t just try to bag a trophy white girl, any more than I should try to only date Asian men if things don’t work out with my current boyfriend. Don’t get me wrong, it is very unlikely that I would ever date a non-Asian man again now that I know what I was missing, but there needs to be more boxes checked than just “Asian” for me and in your case “white.” Does the potential partner treat us with respect? Unconditional love? Do they care about our needs and goals in life? etc. etc. Remember that if you espouse the best parts of yourself and your cultural heritage, sit firmly in self respect and love and offer that same respect and unconditional love to whoever you want to date or sleep with, that is your strength and what will ultimately attract the right person to you regardless of their historical breeding population and genetic heritage. (I sincerely cannot say the word “race” one more time, leave that to the ignorant racists.)
Gentleman, get out of your heads, stop believing racist bullies, and good luck out there. I know how hard it is because I have overcome negative stereotypes about my worth as a woman based on impossible body standards placed on all women, and have dealt with my fair share of scary forceful experiences as well that left me scared to leave the house at times. All of those boyfriends and strangers who tried to intimidate me and belittle me to make themselves feel better about themselves were doing it for the same reasons that anyone is racist towards you. It’s always because they hate themselves for one reason or other and they’re taking it out on you instead of working on themselves. Don’t let them win. Give their problems back to them and move on with your life, knowing how amazing and worthwhile you are. I hope you learn to love yourselves fully and find a partner who does too, sincerely with all my heart. I promise you that if you find those women who have the kinds of unmet needs that you can fulfill with your true self, and then you love them for who they are rather than objectifying them, you will be rewarded tenfold. You deserve it, and so do those women.
P.S. Before anyone can discredit anything I’ve just said by referencing that Joe Rogan quote… I am a well educated, middle class “white” woman. I don’t know much about anime except what people relay to me about it, I don’t participate in cosplay, and while my propensity to read books and research everything under the sun could place me as a nerd to some idiots (I prefer geek because I’m just excited about the pursuit of knowledge in general), I’m still getting hit on by football players and computer programmers alike. I’m not part of a niche culture except the AMWF dynamic, and I do not fit in to any particular stereotype except possibly the all American horse girl cliche which is pretty mainstream here in the States, especially the largely racist states in the Midwest. So there. Take me seriously on this topic or ignore me to your own detriment. (Respectfully, kind sirs.) Anyway, best wishes. I hope this helps.
I think the problem here is twofold. The first is that Asian Americans (especially Chinese Americans, which this comment will focus on) that have successfully assimilated into American culture are still an “up and coming” breed. When I was in high school, there were NO other Asians on the swim team, rowing team, etc., they were instead in orchestra, math club, etc. My impression is that this isn’t something intrinsic, but rather has been driven by our parents, Chinese schools, churches, etc. This is what seems to be valued amongst the older generation, not so much athletic achievement. Thus, these sorts of “enclaves” of Asians within American culture get created, where only some mainstream American values bleed through (for example, assertiveness and aggression are not, from my perspective, two values that really shone through in orchestra, but rather only on the swim and rowing team). Since our demographic is currently largely a product of political decisions (the influx of PhD-level immigrants created from the nascent days of the H1B program in the 90’s), ours is also a fairly homogenous bunch, all things considered. I can go to any other suburb in the US, and the Chinese Americans in that area seem to be quite similar in behavior, values, etc. of my friends at home. Almost all of us have at least one parent that went to grad school in STEM and occasioned those accompanying values on us. Almost all of us could live in the home of another and autonomically go about things without much explanation. All this goes to say that we, as a bloc, still need to break free of the values and morals imposed by the older generation, which will open the way to pioneering new territory like dating white women. Once I got to college, I met other Asians who enjoyed the rush of endurance sports, appreciated the beauty and nuance of prose more than math, and had white girlfriends. But only when I went to an liberal-arts institution that collected oddballs like us did I see more people like me. We were few and far between, but we were the first of our kind to break free of the mold. As we get older and more of us accumulate, I am sure AMWF couples, Asians in athletics, leadership roles, etc. will become far more common.
The second is more of a societal issue. When I was growing up through the 90’s and 00’s, I never saw any Asian male alpha-characters (save for Li Shang in Mulan). This definitely influenced how people saw me — the white women on the swim team really didn’t consider me a possible partner, and since that was my main social outlet, I didn’t get to date until college. When I did start dating my freshman year, I often heard things like “all things being equal, I’d rather you be white.” I never took this personally, as I had internalized that Asian men were indeed lower on the dating totem pole than all other races; it was just a fact I had accepted, as the rest of society had inculcated. However, I also do feel like portrayal of Asian men is getting better and better over time, from Simi Liu’s role in Kim’s Convenience, to Andrew Yang, to us Asian men mixing into mainstream white society and slowly showing how we are complex characters independent of Hollywood’s sketches. Nowadays, as I round out my 20’s, I actually feel like the confluence of factors from society’s more positive and multifacted impression of us, to more of us pioneers making an impact on our communities has caused a reversal of sorts — white women will actually start to chat me up and initiate conversations instead of giving me the side-eye. This started about two years ago, and has seemingly continued to accelerate over time.
I believe that the AMWF combo will become more common over time as society continues to evolve and as we ourselves escape the bonds imposed by the older generation. Frankly, the values of our parents make us seem more “foreign” and less approachable and meek. It is no fault of our own, it’s just something that we as a group need to outgrow over time, finding our own values that are more fitting towards self-actualization.
the US is a country with full of segregations
no wonder many just dislike them
interesting point
I absolutely agree that the burden to change perception is on us (asian men), but I do also believe it’s a disservice to not acknowledge the overwhelming societal current we face in our attempt to change perception. In fact, I’d argue that even if asian guys do everything they can to move this along, we still won’t effect change.
1. America is constantly bombarded, daily, that asian women are beautiful and desirable, but asian men are not. Look at any tv commercial, tv show, movie, news anchors, print ad.. i mean, really anything. While you see a fair representation of white men, women, black men and women, you see an exponentially disproportionate representation of asian guys vs asian women, and no, it’s not a pipeline problem.
If you pay attention to commercials, you’ll see that these brands are doing their best to represent people in the short 30 seconds they have. Using interracial couples/families is a convenient way to check this box. Keep score, when these couples involve an asian person, see how many times it’s an asian guy vs an asian gal.
What’s the reasoning here? It’s a fake couple, in a tv spot. How do any of your reasons above effect that decision? They don’t. It’s societal influences dictating who that marketing company believe their audience wants to see and find appealing (and by proxy, who they dont want to see).
Also, when media looks for a representation of masculinity, they always… always look to basically any race besides asian.
Yet, when they want a fat sidekick, or a gag laugh, or want to convey a sense of harmlessness and “everydayness”, who do they call? Some east asian dude.
2. Asian men are generally viewed as both physically inept, and inept in ability to lead and/or other attributes of masculinity. Google “2016 harvard study asian men in leadership”. Working in tech, and in Silicon Valley, I see this first hand. For some odd reason, asian males are not considered an underrepresented group, either in Silicon Valley or in America. Out of sight, out of mind I guess (or in this case, too many in sight, so we don’t need consideration), because in SV asian men represent a large disproportionate amount of the workforce. One would think that by proxy, there should be a correlatable (to some degree) amount of asian men in leadership positions. In reality, it’s the exact opposite. Compared to any other minority group either race or gender based, asian males have the least disproportionate amount of representation in leadership positions. There’s a lot of details in that study, but basically what it comes down to, is that we’re look at as labor, but not leadership material.
How does this play into relationships, interracial or otherwise? It’s a parallel commentary on how the persona of asian men in America is viewed. I.E. we’re the people you want to “get stuff done”, but not the people you want at the forefront in your life, either professionally (or personally). It’s hard, or near impossible to detach this stigma regardless of if it originates in a professional environment or not.
The majority of asians in america congregate around asian “centers”. I didn’t find out until I was an adult that not every asian grew up in the same racist environment I did. It came as a surprise to me that some asians born in america did not constantly hear “chink” or “korean baboon”, or yelled at for how ugly they were for not looking white, or the disgusting nature of our food. It’s great when you live in a urban center that’s more progressive, but like it or not, the majority of the country (and for the world for that matter) aren’t as equal opportunity as you’d like to think. There’s absolutely an insurmountable bias against asian men vs men of other race, and ESPECIALLY in contrast to the sexualized fetishisizing of asian women.
HOwweeevvveerrr…. In the end, I agree with your sentiment. Complaining doesn’t help, changing the way we carry ourselves, and having that outwardly being to change sentiment is the only thing we can do. TBH, if I were asian female, I’d probably date white guys (lol?). I’m not going to let “social justice” dictate who I do or do not have a relationship with.
Thanks for your comment. I appreciate that you showed respect while bringing forth your different views. I have acknowledged that these matters are more complex than we give credit for. Likely, there’s economics (supply-demand) and other biological trends playing a part. For example, is it that Asians weren’t given the opportunity in Hollywood or the customers never gave the demand to pay to see more Asians in lead roles? The industry is a money-making-driven venture after all so maybe they’re not to blame. I also have to keep in mind that in Asian countries, we do fine and there’s less or no white male roles, so should I even see show any outrage in the USA?
As a half-asian (Korean/caucasian) I think asian males tend to overhype white women as the end all be all. Personally I’ve found extremely attractive both physically and personally speaking women in every racial background imaginable. I think for starters if you really, sincerely are attracted to white women then go for it but don’t whine + complain if they don’t fall head over heels for you. It’s not a slight on your self image, women require that initiative and often times good looking men get rejected. Asian men typically just get too self conscious to make a complete fool of themselves which is sometimes the fun aspect of ‘the game’. Teaches you to laugh at yourself. Life isn’t a videogame and you can’t use cheat codes to get it right right away.
Well said! Thanks for your input