I had an email subscriber write in with a question. These true fans never go unanswered:
Hi Will,
I have really liked your feedback on Tai Lopez content.
I have a tough decision to make. I live in London, UK and I have just secured an awesome new job. It pays well and it’s kinda exciting. However, I have a girlfriend for 2 years now and she is from Bulgaria. She is living there as well, and insists that i come back.
I have tried bringing her to UK but she worked in a cafe and a bar and did not like how she was treated. Now I have a tough decision to make. Family or career? If i go back I have the option of studying programming and starting from scratch again as I can rely on my personal savings.
What is the successful decision here?Regards,Dim
Hi Dim,
Thanks for writing in and placing so much value and trust in me to give you advice.
This is a tough decision. You need to ask yourself two questions: What matters more for you in the long run? Different people have different goals and perspectives on success. And what is the higher risk decision with the better pay off? You’re young so you have less to lose. You don’t have children, bills, or as many obligations so you can risk more.
Use Jeff Bezos’s regret framework and ask yourself which choice you would regret most on your deathbed.
Also, think creatively like Elon Musk and ask if there are truly only 2 options (leave or stay and break up). Are there other alternatives that will make it a win-win or better compromise? Maybe a long-distance relationship is best. Maybe you can inspire your girlfriend to have a positive attitude and find a better job she enjoys. Successful people don’t complain. They make sacrifices unsuccessful people are unwilling to.
Or maybe you can find a remote job that is just as great or you can in a couple years with some patience.
What’s your ideal situation and is there something close to it that is possible? Maybe not but maybe so. If it’s a truly strong relationship and you both adopt positive, hustler mentalites, maybe you both hustle hard for 1 to 3 years long-distance building your careers and because of your growth, you are able to find jobs that are much closer together.
And be sure to assess your career and relationships under the right metrics. Jack Welch’s book Winning has a good scoring system in there. But some things to consider are: Is this a career that is fun? Is this a career that leads to greater growth and opportunity because of the brand name or knowledge you will learn? Is the culture something you align with?
As for relationships, Dr. Jon Gottman is the expert here, so check out his books, but some metrics are: Is this a relationship where you respect and trust each other? Is this a relationship where you help support each other’s success? Does your partner have empathy?
Keep in mind that we live long lives, sometimes over 100 years. It’s not the end of the world. When you think with a the long term horizon in mind, winners will find a way.
The family vs career conflict is a timeless one that we all must juggle. The best of us are not perfect. They just manage things better and get the most out of both. You will probably feel happier and your relationships will be better if you move back, but that may not affect your girlfriend’s experience with her career much. She has to make decisions and use career advice out there from experts like Ramit Sethi to get out of her professional situation.
Frankly, my personal choice here would be to stay in London where there are more opportunities and higher potential pay off since I’d regret not doing that in the long run versus going back to a smaller town. I would try again to take your girlfriend into London. Get her to study Ramit’s blog posts and use that to find a company that treats her well. If worse comes to worse, I’d break off the relationship, especially if it is a short one. There are other women, and if this is your dream, and you explain it with respect and honesty, she will understand. But I am not you and your priorities may differ. And even I perform differently than what I rationally know is the right choice because emotions get in the way.
Best of luck!
