Nice try, Will. But that was like a 6 out of 10. Go a LOT farther. As far as you can. Get very loud and expressive.
I thought I was already trying to be very expressive, loud, and animated. Only a 6? I thought I was at a 9 or 10 already.
I tried as hard as I could… And he gave me something like a 6.5. I was told by my coach that this was better, but for me, he’d love to see me go to a 10 out of 10 and to go so far that my manager and coworkers have to tell me to tone it down a bit.
It turns out my default introvert setting is so low that me going to that extreme wouldn’t even be that high for other people, so he’s fine with me going overboard. I was in a coaching call intended to help people at my company improve our communication, expressiveness, confidence, and how I convey myself on client calls. This coach was a rockstar since he had previously been with the company for almost a decade, and was one of the best project managers. Being social and outgoing was as natural to him as water.
Later on, I ended up getting coaching with other people for various reasons like dating. And the feedback was the same with this regard: I was told my introverted communication style is so low that it’s boring, non-expressive, and I’m probably at like a 3 out of 10. I should push it up like crazy, and in my head, it may appear like I’m going overboard, but to others, it’d just appear like I’m being expressive.
Now that I’m already in my 30s, I was shocked to discover this pattern this late in life since I figured I was self-aware enough to notice how I come across. And that’s the value of a coach; they give you feedback on your blind spots that you don’t hear from anyone else because they’re scared to offend you or aren’t able to give the right feedback. When you hear it from 3 different sources, that’s a clear sign that this could be true.
Practicing being more expressive is interesting because sometimes, I feel like I’m going overboard and performing like a clown because in my head, I still think that it’s too much and noticeably more effort. But so far, no one has escorted me out of a venue for being too expressive or a nuisance. If anything, I have been given small compliments when I put on some extra energy and expressiveness on client calls or other arenas.
To this day, I still don’t fully believe I’m that below average because I don’t feel like I express myself normally from all the YouTube videos I’ve made of myself and my own experience. Maybe that is the case when other introverts or quiet and average people perceive me. But I trust the feedback, and that’s the point of a blind spot. I think there’s room to grow there to come off better.
It’s a gift that I was given this feedback. The fact that I haven’t discovered it until now makes me wonder what other blind spots I have that I can improve and how many people go through their whole life without ever fixing a lot of their deficiencies because they are unaware of them and don’t know how to identify them.
