Kevin Kreider is an Asian American male model, life coach, speaker, fitness trainer, social media influencer, and bodybuilding competitor.
As a child, he was bullied for his skinny figure and race, while struggling with Tourette’s Syndrome. Kevin has won several natural bodybuilding competitions and spoke at TEDx. Now, he helps other Asian American men cultivate their Asian American masculinity through life coaching.
You will learn about:
- Asian male dating problems
- how to become a masculine, attractive Asian man
- the importance of coaching and getting a mentor
- the problem with anger, self-pity, and resentment
- identifying and dealing with self-hatred and denial
- Asian representation in media and what to do about this portrayal
- how Kevin used to be a quiet, awkward Asian kid and how he changed
- why it’s good to want to make more money and get muscular but why this on its own won’t bring happiness
- overcoming negative Asian men stereotypes in media (such as American Asian men seen as feminine)
- what happened when Kevin asked a Black woman on a Tinder date, “Do you find Asian guys attractive?”
- how taking care of the internal parts of your life will make you more successful and happy than just the external
- why he turned his back to the Asian American community for a while because of their image but how he turned that around
- how to date a white girl as an Asian (but really how chasing or avoiding women by their race could be a sign of a deeper internal dilemma you need to fix)
- why supporting and showing sympathy for the struggles of Asian American females rather than negativity can improve the success of our entire community
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Contents
Time Stamps
0:29 – What was the documentary that Kevin was asked to be a part of?
2:45 – How the same injustices and influence are amplified in the modeling world
4:04 – How would you recommend other Asian Americans handle self-hatred and bitterness other than just feeling sorry for yourself and tearing others down?
9:55 – How to deal with the thought, “She probably doesn’t like me” when you see a beautiful girl
11:00 – How others are going through shit too and the importance of compassion and empathy
11:50 – Will’s own embarrassing story with Asian American racism
14:00 – How what you focus on appears more in the world, how this can hurt you in social media, and how to fix this
14:55 – Kevin’s negative experience with existing Asian empowerment groups and forums
17:00 – How it’s okay that it’s hard at the beginning and how 1 out of 10 is normal for dating
17:53 – How everything changed when he saying being Asian as a strength rather than a weakness
19:44 – Intermittent fasting and social media fasting tips (and how Pat Flynn of SPI does the same thing) and the benefits
22:00 – Can you talk about Asian masculinity and dealing with self-hatred? (How the outer and inner are important. How it’s not healthy or masculine for your happiness to come from the approval of someone else.)
30:50 – Can you talk more about your experience dealing with the problems Asian American men face in dating? (We talk interracial, Black women, how girls are going through their own shit, thinking for yourself, and more)
37:10 – The small penis stereotype
38:02 – Many Asian American millennial men only care about making more money. Do you think this can be a sign of neglecting other areas of life or other problems?
40:01 – Why the advice “Just be yourself” is bullshit and what you should do instead
41:10 – Why making more money alone won’t solve your problems (and how Kevin found this out the hard way)
45:48 – Do you have any parting tips for Asian American millennial men who accept what you say and want some action steps?
49:30 – How we’re not seen as cool right now but how we can turn that around (remember a time when comics and superheroes weren’t cool?)
51:23 – Is there one defining thing that has helped you achieve the success you’ve had internally and externally?
Quotes from the Show (In Order)
Please highlight and tweet any of these if you found them useful:
“Hurt people hurt other people.”
“Resentment is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die.”
“It’s not that I wanted to be a white person at one point in my life, it’s that I wanted to be treated like a hot, white guy because they get treated so differently.”
“If you are willing to consider other possibilities, it’s there. But if you close off your mind and assume the world is this way, you confirm what you think.”
“We are creating our own reality by the things we look at and click on.”
“Unfortunately, that’s part of the problem. We’re not actually putting out a lot of the empowering things out, what really great Asian men are doing, or what women are overcoming, or even podcasts like this stuff.”
“If I were to be honest, we do have to work harder for stuff. That stuff’s a reality. But we don’t have to be paralyzed by it.”
“When I started seeing being an Asian man as a strength … that’s when all the stuff started really happening. When I stopped seeing it as a weakness, a self-pitying tool, a way to be lazy … it start’s happening, man.”
“I just thought that getting big muscles, I would be masculine, by default. That’s a big misconception.”
“Women used to dictate who I am, which is an un-masculine trait because who I am dictates my happiness and my confidence on another person … She has all the power and that’s unfair [to] her. And the relationship struggles.”
“Masculinity is not an intellectual thing. We can think about it all day.”
“It’s a whole mind-body experience. It sounds like I’m talking about acid, but I’m not.”
“I don’t talk to people like that because then, their world becomes my world.”
“I’m happy but I’m not content.”
“They put all their eggs into making money. And I think Asians think that’s all their good for … those people trying to throw money at their problems — that’s a problem too.”
“The loudest person that I see in the room is usually the most insecure. The reason why I know is because I was one of them.”
“You can try to hide it and blend in but it looks more ridiculous.”
“I just don’t want to see us being a bully after being bullied for so long.”
“We’re very intelligent as Asian men but I also think that’s our fault. We think we’re too intelligent. Sometimes, like Bruce Lee says, just empty the cup a little bit, let other knowledge come in.”
Show Notes
- The Ugly Model documentary Kickstarter
- Kevin’s website
- Will’s Chat Roulette / Omegle videos (#1 and #2)
- The Warrior Within: The Philosophies of Bruce Lee by John Little (affiliate link)
- The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida (affiliate link)
- No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover
- Hedonic Adaptation Article (the Science of Happiness)
- I’m Rich But Not Happy Article
- Timothydelaghetto’s videos: “Asian Guys, Stop Being P*ssies!” and his marriage proposal
Not mentioned in the podcast but also recommended:
- Kevin Kreider’s TEDx talk: Redefining Asian Masculinity
- Top 5 masculinity books
- The Mask of Masculinity by Lewis Howes
- Asian Male Dating (an interview with Mike SquattinCassanova)
- Stereotypes Western Women Have About Asian Men and What To Do About It by Asian Boss
Wrapping Up
I’m all about positivity and no complaining because that’s what I’ve seen as a theme amongst the thousands of successful people I’ve studied. Unfortunately, these topics have historically attracted bitter Asian men online who have defeatist, pessimistic, or resentful attitudes. They never do anything about it except complain, feel sorry for themselves, and take out their negative on others.
Kevin has done a great job with emphasizing a positive, productive perspective, something Gary Vaynerchuk preaches constantly. I’m grateful for his existence and impact as a role model. Hopefully, it will attract the winners and repel the negativity or at least change people’s minds about how to approach their obstacles. As he says, surround yourself with the right people, and you’ll start seeing more success. What’s the most useful lesson you learned from him?
