I’ve realized something unsettling: Many people giving dating advice—whether they’re professional coaches selling a program or random voices offering unsolicited input—often have an answer for everything. Their logic may sound convincing, but it can lead you in circles or even steer you backward.
Here are just a few examples of how contradictory advice is spun to always make you the problem:
Contents
1. “You’re Following Another Coach? That’s Why You’re Failing.”
“You need to stick to one coach. That’s why you’re getting mixed results—you’re bouncing between different styles.”
This makes sense on the surface. Consistency matters. But it’s also a tactic to dismiss other perspectives and keep you locked into their worldview.
2. “You’re Not Open-Minded Enough to Try Other Approaches.”
“Have you tried anything outside of what your current coach teaches? That’s your problem—you’re too closed off. Clearly their methods aren’t working.”
This contradicts the first argument entirely. Now not trying different approaches is the issue. It’s manipulative because they’re pushing the opposite narrative to suit their sales pitch.
3. “You Didn’t Get Results? You Just Didn’t Stick With It Long Enough.”
“You need to do this daily for months. Transformation takes time.”
Sure, persistence matters—but this line becomes a catch-all excuse. It shifts the blame from their broken system to you. If you don’t get results, it’s your fault for not “committing hard enough.” And conveniently, this keeps you paying them longer.
4. “Real Coaching Gets Results Instantly. Switch to Me.”
“You’ve been working with that coach for months and still nothing? That’s proof it’s not working.”
Ironically, this argument goes against the one above. Now it’s bad if it takes months. They want to position themselves as a faster fix—implying they can get you quick wins (which often isn’t true).
5. “You Can’t Trust Testimonials—Unless They’re Mine.”
“That coach’s testimonials are just marketing magic. You can’t trust them.”
Or: “Sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith.”
What they don’t know is that you already took that leap. And if you mention that the other coach had testimonials, you might hear:
“That other coach had testimonials? How’d that work out for you?”
6. I’m Good-Looking and/or Jacked So What Worked For Me Should Work For You
If the coach is a jacked, handsome, young white guy with tattoos, and you’re a skinny asian man with an accent and cultural upbringing, you come from completely different backgrounds. What worked for him may not work for you since he has advantages you don’t have. He likely believes in a “direct approach” where you just go up and express your interest and attraction to a woman. That works for him because he has the looks and advantages that make it successful often enough that he believes in this process, so he teaches it. Some coaches are just too beginner to realize that people are different, and what worked for them won’t work for others. He’ll push you to hit the gym and get jacked and upgrade your style and look because that’s within his belief system that “it’s all about looks” even when that’s not true as men are valued for a variety of other attractive traits more than women. But often, these good-looking guys are boxed into the “looks matter only” belief system because that’s what worked for them.
Similarly, it seems like some female dating coaches are attractive women and have built a large social media following and business purely on the fact that they’re attractive, so men assume they must be giving good advice. However, you don’t ask a fish how to catch it. They are representative of another group of blind gurus because they often give a lot of advice based on pure theory as they sit in a chair in their living room, without having gone out into the field. The most common infuriating example of bad advice from this group is “I find a man who meditates and reads very attractive” when in reality, all the men they’ve been with don’t meditate and read but have other bad boy attractive qualities. Women will tell you what they want the world to see them as not how they actually behave. And they’ll give you advice on what they want of a man after they’re already attracted to them rather than before they’re attracted to them, not knowing it. They don’t find the skinny nerd Urkel who reads attractive. But they find the jacked tatted guy Kyle who reads attractive. Isn’t that interesting?
This becomes a manipulative template response to invalidate anything else you’ve tried.
Once they’ve been paid, some coaches shift gears. Their tone changes. Sure, they’ll keep feeding encouragement or advice, but their urgency fades. They rarely question whether their method is flawed or incomplete—even after months of your effort produce minimal results. They’re content. Your time? Your results? That’s now your burden to figure out.
I’m not saying all dating coaches are bad. Some are genuinely helpful and worth the investment. But the industry is filled with fake gurus selling a dream built on shaky foundations. It’s a world full of people offering flawed, incomplete, or inaccurate views of dating and attraction.
Whether the advice is free or paid, you need to be cautious. Some coaches are so convinced they’re right that they’ll manipulate you into following their process—even if it doesn’t work for you. Meanwhile, your time, energy, and thousands of dollars are at stake.
You have one life. Don’t waste months—or years—chasing someone else’s unproven roadmap. Don’t let a blind person lead you off a cliff.
