Have you ever been in a social gathering with strangers around you?
I bet you wanted someone to like you so you didn’t seem so strange standing alone.
Perhaps, it was a networking event. Maybe a barbeque. Or a party. I have found myself in plenty of these situations.
Not long ago, I was a lost boy who went to these gatherings to make some of my first friends. The problem was that I thought that your ability to make people like you was limited from birth. I thought you couldn’t change it and you were just as good as you are (psychologists call this a “fixed mindset.”).
But then, I discovered personal development (specifically social skills advice) online. It was a new opportunity that changed my life because it gave me hope that I could be better.
I learned that there are changes you can easily make to your body language, ton, expression, and language that could dramatically affect how others respond to you.
Take a look at this new video, which will explain the good and bad about the advice online. Unfortunately, there is also a lot of bad advice online that didn’t work out when I experimented in real life:
I want to conclude with a few bonus tips that weren’t mentioned thoroughly in the video:
Why A Long-Term Approach To Getting People To Like You Is Better (and How To Do It)
When you’re trying to “influence people”, as Dale Carnegie puts it, it isn’t always the best long term approach. A huge problem with the book, which you will see reflected in Amazon reviews, is that many people weren’t able to make and keep long-term friends. Some of them actually lost friends.
That’s because Dale Carnegie’s book, the top book on the subject, was made for salespeople, business people, and professionals. Often, these interactions with strangers didn’t last too long. They weren’t confined or looking to see these people again for years and years to come. Therefore, it focused on short-term tricks that only solved the symptoms rather than cured the main problem.
As far as the name of the book itself, it claimed to help you make friends, but the title was chosen because it was compelling, not because it completely aligned with the advice or goals of the book.
I don’t think the book is bad, by any means. I just think that you should take some of the advice with a grain of salt and apply it to the right goals or situation.
If your main goal is to make long term friends or improve your dating life, you may want to lean more on the side of being yourself completely, even if it means repelling or ostracizing people. Why? Because you want people you are comfortable being around for the long term, rather than people you have to put an act around. It would be enjoyable (and near-impossible to do) putting on a false persona for several years. Eventually, you’re going to be found out.
And if you ever get found out, you’re screwed. You lose virtually all your chances of getting that person to like you because people generally dislike anyone who is fake.
How To Get People To Like You in the Short-Term
Now, many of you are looking for short-term tricks or quicker hacks to improve your first impression because you’re at a networking or professional event. I would venture to say that Dale’s book would be more helpful there.
You may want to put on more of a friendly persona that vibes better with the crowd of people you’re trying to attract even if it is different from your real personality, a strategy Ben Franklin used for political reasons.
Remembering people’s names and saying it often really shows a sense of effort and comfort. Heck, I’ve seen it work on me all the time. Also, giving people gifts may work too because it plays into the psychological bias of reciprocity, where they feel like they need to help you back.
Though Dr. Robert Glover, the author of No More Mr. Nice Guy, makes a great point that this loses its effectiveness if you show in any way that you are trying to “get something” out of the gift. It has to be a truly selfless gift.
As you can see, my philosophy for getting people to like you is a long-term, ethical approach. I believe this approach is best because it’s the most effective in numerous ways. Most people live long lives, bump into people they met years ago, and have long relationships with many people in business and in their social lives. Therefore, it makes no sense to focus on short-sighted tactics when you know that you have your long-term reputation and status to protect.
Plus, at the end of the day, you end up with people you actually enjoy being around.
