So you have strict Asian parents.
They over-controlling. They have unreasonable rules. They set ridiculous expectations and talk down to you. Maybe it doesn’t even end into adulthood.
How do you deal with this?
We all want to be happier. But when we’re young, it seems impossible to deal with. Here are some tips I’ve learned from studying successful communicators and experience:
Contents
Embrace Self-Love and Realize Them For Who They Are
Your Asian immigrant parents are not gods who know the best way to parent. They can seem like that when you’re a child because you don’t know any better.
But in reality, your strict Asian dad is likely a low-income immigrant worker who is trying his best to come up with the best way of parenting based on his opinions. And opinions can be wrong. That’s why I prefer listening to advice by professor John Gottman, who has leveraged decades of relationship and communication research to find out what works and doesn’t. It’s data-driven rather than opinion-based.
The sad fact is that most people don’t use data or history to govern how they should parent. They use their flawed judgment. Thus, many are doomed to repeat the mistakes of the past.
That means you need to embrace self-love and celebrate yourself for your achievements even when your parents will not. Strict Chinese parents often under-praise and over-criticize, even when you have achieved monumental career success and have followed their directions to a tee. If you buy into their criticism, your self-loathing can destroy your assertiveness, self-esteem, and self-worth, which can cripple your happiness, dating, and career potential.
Change Your Attitude
Stay positive. It may sound cheesy but your perspective clouds how you feel. I know people who have bright, happy smiles in horrible situations. It is what they choose to think about it that makes the difference.
Negative feelings only begin after you have taken in your experiences and decided to react in a certain way. There are books about prisoners of war who have gone through torture and imprisonment, with no end in sight. But they still held in there until they somehow escaped.
Humans are one of the few creatures that have the ability to choose and control how they respond after a stimulus.
Discover What’s Normal and Not
As mentioned, studying what is and isn’t good parenting and communicative behavior from research and experts can help you find out what’s okay and what isn’t.
Over-reactive behavior and excessive criticism for a small mistake like leaving a sock on the floor is not normal. Nor is threatening to disown you for getting a B even though you’re already in an Ivy League university and getting straight A’s.
That doesn’t mean you should use what you learn to logically argue how they’re wrong, as you’ll see in the next point…
You Can’t Change Them
I tried for several years to change my typical Asian parents’ inflexible attitudes. But some people don’t want to change or can’t change. The older you get, the more ingrained your habits and viewpoints are.
Your can’t change other people; you can only change how you react and behave.
The second step you can take is to realize it’s okay if you do not reach your goals and that happiness can happen now. This does not mean you should stop trying your hardest to get to your goals. You can still keep up the intensity, but stop beating yourself up in the process.
Realize that high levels of happiness can be achieved with close to nothing except food, air, water, and shelter. A good example is the Dalai Lamai. He doesn’t have fancy cars, women, mansions, or gourmet food. His life is ordinary. He spends all day sitting and meditating. Yet you can see in any of his interviews that he is cheerful and happy.
One good reason you should still move towards your goals is because some of them will make you a bit happier. Obviously, a toxic relationship will pull you down, for example.
Losing All Hope Is Not Always Freedom
Some people say that “losing all hope is freedom” (a quote from the movie and book Fight Club) because the torment of believing something you will never achieve gets eliminated. I respectfully disagree.
I think it’s better to have hope if you can first come to terms with being happy even if you never achieve your goal. You make the journey as enjoyable as the destination.
Why not give up hope? Because in my studies of successful people, I have seen so many “impossible” dreams come to reality because someone kept believing and working towards their crazy dream despite many naysayers. Just look around. We can create light or fire with a flip of a switch. We can travel large distances with a swipe of a credit card or push of a pedal. We can talk to someone on the other side of the world like telepathy with a click of the mouse.
Steve Jobs is a great example. Watch this video below as he explains it:
After thinking about these accomplishments, ask yourself, are your dreams really that crazy? Are they as crazy as visiting the moon? Because if not, they could be achievable. It wasn’t that long ago when any of these achievements would have been considered “impossible.”
Be Patient
Your mother may want to control how you act, where you go, and what you do. But know this: At some point, you will become an adult and have your freedom.
You will be able to make your own choices. At that point, you can slowly remove the chains of culture and expectation that are limiting your growth, potential, and enjoyment of life.
If you’re young, realize that it’s tough to do anything when your parents provide your food and resources but make the best of what you can.
It is rare that a situation cannot be changed forever. We live long lives, sometimes up until our 70’s, 80’s, or 100’s. Perhaps you can’t travel the world right now because you’re still a teenager, but your time will come. People who say there is no way are sometimes just trying to convince themselves (and maybe you drag you down) because they couldn’t achieve it themselves. Other times, they just don’t know any better.
Some situations just take time. It may seem like every day seems like eternity, but eventually, you will graduate from school. And you will have only lived a small fraction of your life. There are decades and decades of life for you to seize from there on out.
Therapy Is Your Gift
Therapy is not something to be ashamed of. We have doctors to heal our bodies, but what about our minds, the most important muscle of our body?
Different Asian American children suffer with different issues. Some have arrogant, emotionally reactive fathers with temper problems. Others have manipulative, passive-aggressive mothers with mood swings. I can’t generalize here but I can say that there are common issues, as mentioned, that are leaving an imprint on your mind and behavior negatively. Just like them, they can manifest in poor behavior that can affect how you interact with others ineffectively without your awareness.
You can change your life for the better with a good therapist and fix these issues. Many of these psychological problems are not unique to being Asian. Many races suffer from these problems and there is decades of research done to help you see these in a better light and heal.
I’ve learned a lot myself through my internal healing journey, discovering that passive-aggressive or stone-walling (avoiding all communication) behavior is never a good sign of a healthy relationship. I also learned the importance of limiting my contact with unstable people.
Ask Yourself If It’s Really Unchangeable Right Now
No more excuses. There are certain things you can change right now. You just assume you can’t.
There are extreme situations where children run away from home or go into foster care because of horrible parents. That’s not what I mean.
A lot of kids think their parents are unfair but they are just doing what’s best for you. Sometimes, not giving you more candy is the right thing to do. But sexual abuse, on the hand, is another issue.
What I can say is that removing yourself from a business, career, or location when you are older than 21 is tough but not impossible. I read a book by Brian Tracy that mentioned how his friend spent years failing to sell his business because he was just trying random tactics. He finally decided to check out a legitimate book on the topic and sold his business within a year.
Sometimes, you need structure, process, advice, or real-life support to get there but it is possible right now. A simple insight could clear up false beliefs. Some people assume that they cannot live in California because they have a vague idea of how expensive it is. Yet if they just looked up the specific numbers ($2,452 on average a month in rent), they would find out it does not cost hundreds of thousands of dollars and would get to work moving there.
I love watching interviews of the billionaire John Paul DeJoria to get advice. In the video you’ll see below, he shows how he thinks when others tell him he will never accomplish anything. It’s tough to decide when you should listen to others and ignore them, but for John, he clearly did not listen when it came to other’s opinions on his own success. For that, I agree with his saying, “Oh, what does he know?”
Get Around Successful, Healthy People
We’ve established that your parents mode of thinking and behavior has only gotten them so far. There’s a reason they’re not as financially wealthy, mentally sound, and physically healthy as they want to be.
To find out the proper successful way of thinking, you have to get around successful people.
I heard stories of one Asian parent preventing her child from exercising because it costs money. But if you follow successful, fit people, they’d tell you this thinking is absurd given that exercise is an investment that will pay off and you can stay fit without spending much.
Don’t Demonize or Angelicize
When we’re young and naive, we tend to demonize or worship our parents. They’re the center of our world. If you do this, you can fall prey to falling to the opposite extreme of a behavior to “be nothing like my father and mother.” The issue is that extremes are often two sides of a coin to the same dysfunction.
Having no emotion and all logic because your father had anger management issues is just another disservice to your child. Dr. Robert Glover’s book, No More Mr. Nice Guy, breaks this down well.
In reality, like most people or objects, there’s good and bad parts. We live in a world of grey.
Avoid getting overtaken by confirmation bias, where you only look for what you want to see. If you catch yourself with a growing sense of hatred for someone or even your culture, stop. Identify the good you’re forgetting.
Final Action Steps
Here are some more action steps you can take right now to think more positively and move towards a brighter future:
1. Surround yourself with success
It’s simple yet so effective. I still have negative thoughts that clearly came from a specific person I hung around years ago. How do I know? Because he was the only one who thought in such a way. As you can see, who you surround yourself with can influence how you think for years to come.
2. Commit to a positive attitude NOW
Some of us are truly born with a higher genetic inclination to be negative. Now that you realize it, you can choose to have a positive attitude and stomp out negative thoughts as soon as you notice them.
3. Change your attitude
Say phrases like this at least 10 times a day: “I am an awesome, positive individual.” and “I am in control of my destiny and I decide where I am headed.”
I found that saying these phrases while you look at yourself (through the eyes) in a mirror helps, especially with self-esteem boosting affirmations.
4. Therapy is golden
Get some therapy. Group therapy is an affordable alternative.
Conclusion
Unsupportive parents suck during college and beyond but it’s not the end of the world. We must deal with life’s obstacles as effectively as possible so that we still achieve our goals. We can’t just sit there and feel sorry for ourselves.
Not all Asian parents are unreasonable or strict. Some of them rock in almost every way. I apologize if I’m generalizing but there are some common obstacles many Asian Americans face I must address. Hopefully, these tips will help you overcome some screwed-up situations and achieve your life goals.
These are actionable steps that you can start taking immediately! You may not see the results overnight but I guarantee you that over an extended period of time, you will get disproportionate returns and results for the small time you invest in this.
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Hi im currently 17 and Im going to reach the end of my high school. My asian parents kinda indirectly pressured me into taking science stream and engineering, and as I had no other ambition or plan I also agreed to it. But later I discovered my passion to become a chef and I really want to be one Ive also been practicing in secret. But one day I decided to tell my parents about it and they immediately started shouting at me for it. They started telling me about all the family members and people that failed to be a chef and then when I tried to say something back they silenced me and told me I had no other choice but to pursue engineering. Im still trying to do well in school because I dont want to completely dissapoint my parents who work hard for me everyday. I read this article and I want to wait till I turn 21 but due to covid my mental health has declined rapidly and I cant focus on school and studies or even try to go for something I genuinely have no interest in. Even if I told them that they keep saying Im really smart and im going to waste all my potential as a chef. I genuinely have no idea what to do or how I can convince them to let me follow my dreams.
Hello, I’m asian as well, and my parents don’t let me go out anywhere and always compare me to my siblings. They always lecture me whenever they get the chance. My father gets mad at every little mistake I made and my mother yells at me about everything I do wrong. They don’t approve of the friends that I have and don’t let me go anywhere. They say really toxic things sometimes, but I keep to myself most of the time. But now I have to do a really important group project and I’m the only one who can’t make it. What do I do?
Hey everyone, I relate as a high schooler. Except it is more hurtful for me. My parents have said a lot of toxic things to me. For example, they say that they don’t care about my grades. However, if I actually get a bad grade, they question me and that make me feel super uncomfortable. And Music as well. I messed up a performance and my mom said that I am a student without clarity. It just hurts so much. However, there is something that hurts more than this. The way that they talk about my weight. I’m not overweight at all though. Like my height is 67 in and weight is 125 lbs. My mom says that I need to lose weight and whenever she sees me in a crop top, she shuns my weight, saying that I look ugly in it and that only skinny people look good. This hurts the most as it guilts me for eating food that I like such as pizza and cake and breads and sandwiches and bagels. I don’t know what to do?
Just go to “Quora”, or any websites that will bring you the biggest research & analysis moment for you in secret. That’s why it’s better to be an intelligent spy!……. (I did this whenever I dislike my parent’s choice, and you can research on them until you get the answer….. Hopefully.)
Hey, I’m also Asian too, I’m a guy and have the same problem too, they always hate me even though it’s a small problem but to be honest, always get a positive mind because when you hit college, your gonna be get freedom, as you want, I’m also 14 years old and I know what you feel, every single day, she always yell at me, not at least one day of peaceful and also all of the comments I experienced too, it hurts so much but everything gonna be okay! just have positive mind, I know you cant change but you know you can adjust, change you attitude, etc………. if you wanna talk about it, how do I handle them, add my snap: janllydrangas
Im 17, turning 18 in a month. I still have 3 months left to officially start college. But, I uncontrollably fell in love and i’m currently dating. The college I will go to requires me to move out of state, and he knows that. However, my asian parents caught me and now they are making me choose between dating or studying. I am for sure choosing studying, but what do i do if my mind says that i will regret losing someone that has done nothing but support and respect whatever I do.
my best friend is Asian, and whenever I am over at her house, she and her parents are always yelling at each other, and Idk what to do. I know it’s different, but they are always wanting us to study, on weekends for things that are like 3 years ahead of what we are learning in school.
I’m sorry to hear that. Unfortunately, you can’t really change other people. It took me a lifetime to learn that. You can change your attitude, perspective, how you respond, etc.
Well hi, I’m 23 years old and working. My parents are very strict and they say so bad that we think you have bf or something wrong types. That’s so frustrating to hear all these when you are wrong at all. I’m totally depressed I can’t even go with my friends anywhere because I’m afraid of my parents.
Sorry to hear that
Hi i just turned 16 and some might think it’s still a young age but I understand you and the same rules apply here and im legit been so depressed because of them i dont knw what to do or say and it can get very boring as well as that my mum has taken my phone and im not allowed to be online and she hates me being on social apps like snap and im not allowed on insta at all (but i am for boredom). I dont if you work or not but save that money and secretly book a trip to your fav place and when a few days are left then you can tell them :)
(prob not gonna work). My point your not alone you can do this :)
I say make the most of your situation even if it’s bad. Maybe that means staying of them until you come of age. Everyone’s situation is different. You got this!
Same is the situation with me i am 20 and my mother completely controls me …..and can’t do anything i want to i don’t even call my friends if i want to talk to them my mother always taunts me i don’t what should I do
I’m 12 and I am ABC (America Born Chinese). My Asian parents are strict like others. The other day, my mom found out I had my puberty and guess what? She called me a piece of trash that she threw away in the dumpster. I am fine when other called me that,but when my mom called me that, my entire body just fell apart. No matter how much I said it normal for kids at my age to have it and she still won’t listen. Its not just problem. I have anxiety and my parents would scream at me saying “Your just a kid, how would you be have anxiety?” or “Stop making up excuses because I know your lying.” They would compare me to the smartest kid in my class or compare when they were younger. They would always say that “What is in your brain, ha? Use your f*cking brain you ungrateful child.”
I’m sorry you have to go through that. That is not good parenting. Unfortunately, we are dealt a hand in life that we can’t change. What we can do is our attitude and what we do with our disadvantages. Focus on what you can change – your attitude, therapy, not letting their judgement define you
Hi im also from asian and i have the same problem as you and my parent make me stay and look at a wall for days and even no sleeping or eating My dad always use his knuckle to hit my head and every time there´s a dent and i don´t like it. i just wish all of this would end!
I’m 14 and both my parents are asian. I’m from Singapore. They are very fixated on the ‘you must get straight As or don’t come back home’ idea. Sometimes I wish that I could die but my friends keep me going. I know that they want the best for me but sometimes it gets too much. I’ve tried going for therapy but the moment my parents heard that I was depressed and had anxiety issues, they just cut the therapy off and started hating me even more. They just ignore me completely at home and they do communicate to me, it’s shouting or scolding me for my A1 that’s too low for them or telling me what a idiot I am. I really want to tell them how I feel but every time they’ll just say ‘stop it you’re only 14. Depressed? Depressed for what? I’m working. Harder than you. Don’t complain? How do I cope with this?
My parents feel the same way too. I am 20 at this time. My parents wouldn’t let me date until I get a job, go anywhere on my own, make certain decisions on my own, or even get a driver’s license until after college. My brothers, especially my youngest brother, thinks and feels the same way as my parents. I feel that my opinions, my rights, my freedom, and my views are not validated or respected. I also feel that I have no right to the American culture because of the way my parents raised me, the Asian way. I understand that I can’t change my parents, so can I at least try to change my siblings or even anyone else? I am planning to speak to a counselor in a college or university campus that I’m currently enrolled in, like Austin Community College or Texas State University.
I 100 percent agree, my father was born here, and he is a successful doctor and expects things out of me, but was never a huge burden acedemically, more behavior wise, but my mother was born in Taiwan and has wayyyyyyyy to many acedemic expectations like, I EXPECT ALL A’S BY THE END OF THE SEMESTER!!!, or WHY DO YOU HAVE A B or C IN THIS SUBJECT? and I just wanted to move out or end the road (hopefully you know what end the road means) but my friends are the reason why I stay strong. I really love my parents but I wish they weren’t so strict about my grades and stuff. I understand what you are going through. I also want to end the Asian tradition in my family and completely halt it to a permanent end when I become a parent or anyone really.
Same here
Hi, i too have strict asian parents who are very controlling. currently they have taken my phone from me because i have friends who are guys. my parents dont believe in the fact that girls and boys can be friends. they dont let me go out with my friends even for coffee or to watch a movie. my mum isnt as strict as my dad. my dad takes it to a whole another level. going out anywhere without an adult is not allowed. im atthe end of my teenage years and this has been happening to me since the age of 12. im used to it now and ive come to terms with it, but if you have any advice and tips to make my situation easier please let me know :) Thank You
Thanks for sharing. Most of us are dealt mixed hands when we’re born. We can’t control that. In this case, your parents are overly anxious and not trusting, which results in too much control. Focus on the fact that you will have a lot more freedom, if not complete freedom, once you hit college and then graduate into adulthood. Considering that many folk will live until 80 or 90, you’ve only lived a fraction of your life under control. Most of your life is ahead of you
hii, i’m facing the exact situation too. i’m 17 right now. i feel this is too much restriction for this age. in addition to all this they want me to study 24*7. i have to eat what is decided by them at the time they decide. they dont allow me alone anywhere,even to stay at my grandparent’s place. i’m forced to have my mom or dad with me at all times. i dont even have a trust worthy person to vent to…..please help me out if u can….thank u in advance
I found reading inspiring biographies / books / stories of successful people who went through un-ideal beginnings really help. Oprah was molested and pregnant as a teen. Hillbilly Elegy is a great story of a man who had a horrible, uneducated upbringing but still became a successful, happy lawyer from Harvard. You learn how the best handle it
hey are you ok? now
As a fellow Asian American, all these weird things about Chinese parents are true. In fact, I’m struggling with this right now, even when I’m 34 years old (just because I want to save money on housing costs). There’s no other solution except to move out. Sure saving $1000+ a month seems great and all, but then BAAAAAAM! CRAZY ASIAN, OVERBEARING STRICT PARENT IN YOUR FACE WITH A LAUNDRY LIST OF THINGS YOU CAN/CANNOT DO in addition to outrageous demands and expectations no one else gives a flying f*ck about @_@
Why can’t we all just make sure the bills are paid at the end of the month and move on with our lives? Because your parents are #1 Chinese #2 Have crazy expectations and standards no ordinary person can meet #3 Will throw out negative, insensitive comments for just about anything and everything you do #4 Hold grudges #5 You can’t do this #6 Everything is about the “No” . . . The list goes on and on.
Like I said, there’s no way out but TO MOVE and pay for your OWN HOUSING just to get away from this toxic, negative hostile environment. And lastly, they want you back home and be a family and you’re like “Hell no”. Minimum cost – $1000 a month for rent (NJ, USA).
Yes, the tradeoffs are not worth. Move out for sure
My parents hit me for small things help me
Sorry, that sucks. What helps is getting independence from them, either wait until you’re old enough or go now
Wear thicker clothes that have wool on the inside. also try to anticipate where they are going to hit next and block it with the back of your arms, so as to protect yourself. you feel less pain on the back of your arm so it wont hurt as much. also protect your head and face. cover it with your arm. try to do sports that require lots of physical contact as well so you get used to the pain and shock of being bumped, hit or beaten. you cant change asian parents beating you but you can protect yourself from asian beating. but remember NEVER FIGHT BACK if you do your parents will beat you harder. ONLY BLOCK THEIR ATTACKS.
My parents literally don’t let me go anywhere by myself. She is always coming with me and watching over me like I’m going to do something bad. This is the main reason why I can never do fun things with my friends. I always get left out of groups too because of this, and then she blames me for not having any good friends. I tried explaining to her that no teen kid likes their parents hanging around everywhere they go but they don’t understand.
I get it since I’ve had that happen. You can’t change them. They don’t trust you even when they should. They blame when they shouldn’t. That doesn’t mean they’re completely horrible people. They just have strengths and flaws. Look, I’ve been graduated high school for several years now. Looking back, it was such a short time of my life. You’ll have so much time to be free. College and then getting a job was so amazing since I didn’t have to answer to anyone pretty much. You don’t even have to go to class since there’s no attendance grade or homework assignments. Just wait a little
As an Asian American, I was raised by very strict parents, especially my passive-aggressive mom. I did not have a healthy support system so my teenage years were terrible, given that period of time is when a person’s mental state is most vulnerable. I suffered so much mental and physical abuse. Thankfully, I’m a highly spiritual person by nature, so my natural tendency to deal with trauma and pain is to seek for spiritual healing. I read a lot of spiritual books, seek out spiritual teachers who taught me the deeper meaning of life and why things happen the way they do. I came to the realization of the universal law of cause and effect. I am no longer angry with my mother for the pain she inflicted on me all of my life. I was able to see the suffering inside of her through her anger towards others. I hope my personal story can help someone out there who may experience a similar family issue to not lose hope in life. The first step to change is to work from within….you.
Thank you for sharing. You seem wise and have been able to accept, forgive, and not let your past chain you down. That’s fantastic
What kind of spiritual healing did you use?And how did you not let what she has done ,consume your mental state?Whenever you are around your mother how do you feel or communicate with her?
I had hope in the beginning that they will change and that’s how I was staying positive but now I can just see they will always stay the same.I understand the past is the past and I’ve moved on(and it still hurts) but even now they keep doing things so it’s just really hard to think positively of them.My parents are selfish and do terrible things without even realising they are hurting us.
What’s worse is I am around really pessimistic older siblings at home and so I decided to be the positive one but now I can’t take it.
A trained psychiatrist or relationship researcher like Jon Gottman can provide a better answer. I did my best, which wasn’t always that good. I would sometimes storm off or avoid her. As I matured and read, I saw her as a creature of habit and emotion. Rather than change her, I tried my best to work with her knowing how she’ll act and being able to predict it. Gratitude and meditation helps. You’re still a child in the grand scheme of life. The first 20 years where you’re with them is a speck in the dust of your long life.
thanks for the advice but my parents are gonna whoop my ass for getting 27/50 in maths. but you know it’s chill. if you don’t hear from me tomorrow, you’re all invited to my funeral… jk but I am gonna get in trouble :(
You’ll survive. Stay positive
I am huge fan of kpop BTS and I love to sing and dance though I am not good at it because from childhood I didn’t get a chance to involve in any such activities but then my father doesn’t even let me listen to them their music they are idols they inspire people I have learned a lot from them he was like it’s been long since you haven’t got beating if you don’t want it to stop now
I am fade up of this I want to escape this so hard I should also listen to my mom’s scold then her problems worries I don’t have a space in mind for things now I was good in studies before now it’s also gone from high school I used to read before hoping I could get out of here I will do my best but they tend to hold me back every now and then I have lose every piece of hope because I feel like no matter what I do I doubt it will change anything
He then asks me what I want to do in future I want to sing or do anything like out of daily working jobs but I know he will lose hope if I even tell him that I just want to try even if I fail just once
I am 18 right now and I feel like now or never
Inevitably, a parent can’t stop a person from loving what they do usually once they are a free adult. Keep faith and watch out for my upcoming article on benefits of asian parents
If you’re still being controlled by Asian parents in adulthood, then you’re letting it happen to you. You have the power to cut the cord when you’re an adult.
Find their weakness, for example, my parents is noob at IT, so every time I have homework, I would finish it to around 85% done, then browse the web when they are not looking, when they come I change the tab and finish the homework, the key is that how long you browse the web, I always estimate the time it take to finish, and * it by 125%, so I get around 25% of the time browse the web, also, know their estimate complete time, calculate how you should spread you time up.
This behavior is natural. Every Asian American kid does it, many often spending much more than 25% time surfing the web to go on social media and/or do what’s fun. It’s interesting you have the restraint to do only 25%. Parents are one of the things you can’t change — you’re born into it. You have to make the best of the situation and find compromises that may not be the best until you become a free adult.
I do that all the time and some times I get caught and my Asian parents even break or smash my tech leading to me having so much hate for them, because even if I am done with my work I don’t even get to watch like YouTube or Netflix etc. That just leads to me always on YoutTube or doing something that is fun to me when I’m meant to do my homework and I then do bad at school too. Do you have any tips for me?
You’re still a baby when you graduate high school. Once you’re in college and beyond, your freedom exponentially increases over time. In the meantime, we must make the best of the situation so that we keep our mental health. Try your best, reference study tips by James Clear and College Info Geek
easy for you to say :(